Never Ending
by Millie12345678910
Summary: Sequel to One More Time. When the Kings and Queens of the Upper East Side Iive a secluded life then the drama stops but one day a letter changes it all. Ten months after the drama went down, a perfectly complex letter drops by. What the hell has happened and why?
1. The Story Never Ends

When your full loving heart finally gives in to the heartbreak you think your story's last chapter has ended but this story doesn't end, there is always another chapter filled with drama. Too much has been said, too much has been done. How can you have an end come to something that has barely had a beginning? The answer is you can't, it can't come to an end.

If it hasn't come to an end then where the hell is Chuck? He up and left after the one night stand came out and hasn't been seen or heard from since that awful day. Serena hasn't even heard from her brother, at first she thought it was him running away from his problems again but he hadn't come back at all. He was truly gone, leaving Serena, Nate, Blair and his children behind. It's been ten months, a whole ten months of complete and utter silence from him.

Serena raised her children alone, pushing Nate futher and futher out of her perfectly painted picture in her head. They hadn't seen eachother, Nate only had the children when he could fit it in his schedule. He had been working for hours on end trying to forget the world, trying to forget what he had done to break his world apart. He missed his children but when he looked at them, all he saw was Serena. Her long wavy golden blonde hair with her bright ocean blue eyes. Nate missed her with everything he was but knew staying away was the best option right now, it was all a mess.

Not knowing about the lives of eachother scared each and every one of them, scaring every minuscule cell of their terrified bodies. Blair and Serena were best friends but now they had nothing, they were strangers to each other. Anything they had was gone, the only bond they shared was Chuck and they didn't know where he was. Serena and Nate were to be married, they were going to be eachothers forever but that all came crashing to a painful end.

Blair didn't do anything but raise her children, hating that Chuck was missing but she had no right to do anything to find him. She was the reason he had run and felt terrible about it. Her children were her main concern, Milo, Bailey and Henry were the only thing she cared about. Serena had completely cut her out of her life, Nate hadn't talked to her in months. The terrible four are broken up, they were over forever.

It had been almost two years since they had met, eight months pregnant and the first few months of their lives. Chuck had been there for all of it and now he was gone, leaving his whole family behind. It felt like a lifetime ago they all met, technically it was a whole lifetime. The children's lifetime. The biggest most publicised people of the Upper East Side had called it quits. The great Bart Bass' son was to marry fashion designer Eleanor Waldorf's daughter who had three children together. It was the biggest thing of the century except convicted fraud Howard Archibald's son marrying Bart Bass' widow, Lily Van Der Woodsen.

Everything had stopped on the Upper East side, no one was functioning properly. Blair hadn't left her home, she was normally the fashion icon of the year but they hadn't seen her in almost a year. Serena was normally partying and having fun but when she had been seen, she had always been with Nia and Lia. Nate was a small playboy, it was a legend if you had sex with him. The small amount of people that had slept with him told their story and it had become a sort of legend. Nate hadn't gone out in months, hadn't been with anyone in months, he hadn't even drunk in months. He was a new man that focused solely on his work, he was the new Bart Bass.

The silence of eachother had scared each and every fibre of their bodies. They all normally lived together, saw eachother everyday, talked every minute. They were eachothers children's aunts and uncles, biologically as well. Now they didn't even mean a tiny bit to eachother, well they meant everything to eachother but they wouldn't dare say it out loud.

One day, excactly ten months later, a beautifully enveloped letter came through the post to all three adults. It was a soft purple with engraved paper white flowers on the side, their names perfectly handwritten onto the front. This letter made them all extremely curious, slowly they all opened the envelope dainty letter.

_Dear family and/or friends, _

_You are formally invited to the winter wedding of Miss Holly Bethany Lindsor and Mr Henry Leon Newton. _

_On the 15th of February 2pm. _

_Sincerely, _

_ The Lindsors and Mr Newton. _

The invitation confused them all, when they were about to return the letter to its envelope they noticed another piece of paper in the envelope. It was light, like it was meant to go unnoticed to the eye. It was meant to be a carefully hid secret, it read:

_Hello,_

_I'm Miss Holly Lindsor, Mr Henry Newton's fiancée. I know who he is and I just thought you would want to know. My fiancé is Charles Bartholomew Bass, we have been engaged for the past few months and the wedding is next week. I hope you can attend the ceremony and reception, I am also inviting you to stay at our home for a week so we can discuss what I know and you don't. I'm in love with Mr Bass and he loves me. I'll explain everything when you come. _

_Holly Bethany Lindsor_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

_Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don't really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren't really an ending; some things are never-__ending__.__ \- _

_C. JoyBell C._

XOXOXOXOXOXO

**_A/N- I couldn't just leave you like that, I just needed the inspiration of a new story but still using the same storyline. Read and review!!!_**


	2. Past, Present and Future

Hey! Leave a review to say if you want this to continue as One More Time or as Never-ending

Have fun reading!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

A wedding. The occasion that connects two people by name, law and family. The flowers, the dress, the over the top expensive cakes with way too many expensive edible flowers. The room filled with family and friends congratulating and hugging you until you can't breath. The first dance, the honeymoon, the first time making love when you are married. It's all so special and you have to have it all to make a perfect Upper East Sider wedding.

The first Upper East Side wedding the four had gone to together without knowing it was Lily Van Der Woodsen's wedding to Bart Bass. Serena was a bridesmaid like she was at every other wedding of her mother's but this time she was more of the maid of honour. Chuck was the best man for his father which came as a huge surprise for him since his father always acted like he hated his presence on the earth. Nate had been Chuck's best friend for years so he was obviously in the crowd watching his friend smile like he had never before. Chuck was always so sad and gloomy but on his parents wedding day he looked so... free. Blair's mother had designed all the dresses for the wedding including the famous white wedding dress but Eleanor was tied up in meetings on the day of the actual occasion. Blair took her place, watching the wedding. She never knew who Chuck Bass was, she didn't even spare him a glance focusing all her attention on the bride.

In a week Chuck was to be married under the name of Henry Newton. There was always meant to be a wedding for Chuck, just marrying Blair instead of this Holly Bethany Lindsor. Holly knew who Chuck was, she knew about his family, his home and children but still kept him away from them. Yes, she invited them to the wedding but that's the point, there shouldn't be a wedding. Not when things were left so abruptly and harsh between all the friends, between him and Blair.

The letter personally from Holly said they were invited for a week, a week before the wedding which meant they had to leave by tomorrow. Babysitters for a week, Serena and Blair didn't want to leave their children with complete strangers. After a long hard think that lasted around three minutes, they came to the conclusion Lily was their best option.

That's where they were on their way now, drop the children off there this morning and then be on their way to Chuck by the early night. The limos pulled up outside, Serena got out of her's first and made her way up to her mother's penthouse, unaware of Blair's upcoming presence. Nate had decided to pick up a suit of Chuck's, he had no idea where Chuck was and what the hell he was wearing. A purple suit might entice him to talk for five minutes to his former best friends.

" Mom! I need your help." Serena yelled as she struggled pushing the double stroller out of the elevator, stopping in her tracks when seeing Nate.

" hey..." Nate began. " Lily went to get a few of Chuck's suits for me, she will be back in a few minutes."

" okay... why do you need Chuck's suits? You have no right touching my brothers stuff without his concent which I doubt he would give to you." Serena snapped, her body shaking as she leaned onto the stroller for support. Seeing him for the first time in around nine months was harder than she ever thought, he was still as handsome as the last time she saw him.

" I'm going to see him, I know where he is and thought he might want some of his old stuff. Being Chuck and all." Nate explained, kneeling down to coo at his daughters. They had grown so much since the last time he had saw them which was around 2 months ago.

" I'm going to see him too, did you get an invitation too? Of course you do, he was your best friend until you ruined it." Serena sighed. Slouching down on the sofa, pulling Lia out of her bright pink car seat. "you know Nia said her first word last week? I tried to call you twice the other day but you didn't answer so I couldn't tell you."

" I'm sorry, I've been busy in work. What did she say?" Nate quizzed solemnly, the feeling of guilt, hate and anger rushing through his bulging veins.

" Mama, it was really cute. I've been trying for one of them to say Dada, I show them pictures of you and point to them. It's not the same as you really being there, it hasn't really worked as you can probably see." Serena blushed, being close to him sent shivers through her body. Seeing him hold Nia and mumble how proud he was of her, made her feel the sense of home. But this wasn't her home, it was her home once then everything fell apart.

" I'll try and be around more. I am their father, I'm sorry that I haven't been around." Nate apologised, looking straight into her glassy blue eyes.

" we can work on Lia saying it," Serena nodded, trying to keep things civil but couldn't. " you can see them on Sundays to Monday, you don't get to see me anymore. We aren't anything but you are those kids father."

" I'm here for my kids and nothing else. I love you and I did wrong by you, I'm dealing with the consequences." Nate confirmed, leading to a painful soundless silence.

" Lily! I need your help!" A females voice screamed, both blondes turned to see a certain brunette. Blair was striding in with the triplets in tow, the triple stroller being pushed by the petite woman. " hey, have you seen Lily? I need her to look after the children for about a week, depends if I stay that long."

" you got a letter as well?" Serena scoffed, reality hit her that this was her best friend once and she hated seeing woman now. They did everything together, talked together and now Serena couldn't stand being in the same room as her. Blair replied with a small assertive nod. " what are we going to do? We can't let Chuck get married especially under a different name."

" That's why I'm going, to see if I can stop this. Stop everything that has happened the last few months. I need my best friend back." Nate professed to the women, the both just started at him for a moment or two. Unaware of how to react.

" You had a best friend Nate, we all lost him and I don't think he'll ever forgive us. That doesn't mean we won't stop fighting for him to come home, to his family. I might not be apart of that family, I may not be apart of the future but he is always going to be apart of my family and my future." Blair held in the tears, swallowing to stop herself from crying.

" You both did this to yourself, you hurt me and my brother so much. My heart is not prepared for another hit off you two, I'm getting my brother back and never seeing you two again. B, you were my best friend and you did something unforgettable so I will never be able to forgive you." Serena informed them, unable to keep in all the pain they had caused her.

" I'm sorry, S, you will always be my best friend even if I'm not yours. 'Just because we don't talk any more, doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you. It doesn't mean that I no longer care. Truth is, I still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see how you're doing. To see if you're okay, but every time I get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that we're strangers. You don't want me in your life, hence the reason why I'm no longer a part of you. But, even though everything's changed; I just want you to know that I'm still here. I'll still be here for you. I'll still lend you my shoulders and my ears. I don't care what time it is, what I'm doing. Don't hesitate for talk to me because, half the time, I wish that you were talking to me. I just really miss your presence. I miss you being my best friend. I just miss you in general_.' _You were my best friend and now we are complete strangers living complete different serperate lives without eachother." Blair commented, the separation anxiety hitting her. Serena had been apart of her life for years and now everything was coming to an end. Saying goodbye to a good friend is harder than saying goodbye to a bad friend.

" 'The most harrowing thing about betrayal is the fact that it will never come from your enemies but comes from your friends.' _" _Serena breathed heavily through her slightly open lips. " You were my best friend, you were meant to be the one who slagged off the slut who cheated with my boyfriend but you were the slut."

" it wasn't like that. I was drunk after everything with Chuck and my father, me and Nate got drunk together. I thought you were finished, I never would have done it if you were together. I know it's wrong doing it after only breaking up for a few hours but it's not as bad as being together at that point. I never wanted to hurt you." Blair told her that nights events, her own words stinging her mind.

" Nate told you we weren't together, we never ended. We were really together, two kids and getting married. He lied to you." Serena stared at her in disbelief, she and Nate never ended.

" I didn't think we were together, it sounded like we had ended. I only realised later that we were together but it's too late." Nate joined in, explaining himself to the furious women in front of him.

" but we weren't over. This whole mess was a big misunderstanding, this is all my fault. If I just told you we weren't over that night then you wouldn't have slept together and I'll be free of this painful pain" Serena exclaimed, shocking Blair and Nate into the point of each grabbing one of her shaking warm sun kissed hands.

" it's not your fault, it will never be your fault. Nate and I made a stupid mistake that shouldn't have been made." Blair consoled her, it was their fault and they knew it. They made the choice to sleep together and hurt so many people.

" well! I do love to see all my favourite people in one room except for Chuck but he's gone AWOL again. My beautiful grandchildren too." Lily gushed as she walked down the stair case, calling to her personally picked and biological children.

" yes, well we need your help for the next week. I have Milo's first birthday coming up and I'm out of town for the a week which comes to my question, will you look after the triplets?" Blair asked, clapping her hands together with a big jolly smile plastered on her soft features.

" all three. For seven days. On my own. Three babies." Lily's eyes opened wide as if to say ' ha ha are you kidding me? Three babies on my own for a whole week.'

" there's a slight alteration to the plan, there is actually going to be five babies." Serena added with ' this isn't going to work' face.

" five babies on my own, darling I don't think I can do that. I'm a grandma, I'm getting on a bit now. That's five babies one old woman." Lily said, rubbing her temples with the stress off the though of even looking after five babies alone.

" it can be for two days, I can take the children to my father and his husband for the rest of the week. I've talked to them and that's the only time they can do it. So?" Blair egged on, her tiny feet tapping the floor in excitement and nervousness.

" okay," Lily give in. " but I want to know everything and anything that could go wrong. I will not be blamed if one of them has an allergic reaction to milk or something."

" Henry has a specialised formula, Milo and Bailey drink normal formula. Milo is kind of walking, he took like two steps the other day but it's not really walking. More like holding onto things for support and pushing himself off them. Make sure there is a carpet when he has tummy time because he will crawl off and hurt himself." Blair demanded with her motherly face on, it scared everyone but made them think what a good mother she was. " don't forget to sing _somewhere over the rainbow _to them or they will not go to sleep."

" check, check and check. What about my perfect little granddaughters?" Lily cooed, completely forgetting the existence of Bailey and the adults in the room.

" you remember Bailey as well, she is always your granddaughter. Nia is a babbler, she will talk your ear off with complete gibberish. She's a naughty one so remember right and wrong with her, shaking your head and pointing a finger usually does it. Lia on the other hand is a complete angel, she's very clingy so hugs and kisses are the best thing for her but don't give her many before bed or she will not go off." Serena informed her, thinking about the tiring routine of bedtime every night. Having a week away will leave her coming back refreshed and ready to face parenting head on.

" Are Harold and Roman picking up the children or am I taking them there?" Lily quizzed, the next two days were going to be hell and to be honest she couldn't wait to get the babies out of her hair.

" Daddy is coming over here in two days to sell his shares of his law firm then he will take them over to France until we come back. I can go pick them up over there or Nate and Serena can come. I will have an extra pair of hands either way, it's easier with mommy and daddy not a nanny." Blair explained to her, the relief of being on good terms with her father rushed to her mouth. Her lips curled into a small smile, it was as if she was a little girl who's father called her his baby girl.

" That's great! You lot get going soon so I can see my little grand babies. Milo is turning one in two weeks, I've never been more excited for a birthday that aged me." Lily cackled, picking up the colourful rainbow playmat that she always kept in the living room for when her grandchildren and children came over to visit.

" goodbye mom," Serena shouted, kissing her baby girls goodbye and pressing the elevator button.

" Goobye Lily," Blair waved her hand at the babies, they all waved a small hand back.

" Goodbye Mrs Van Der Woodsen," Nate nodded his head formally, addressing her in the wrong way for a sort of mother in law.

" call me Lily darling," Lily corrected. " goodbye, have fun with whatever you are doing." She waved her hand as the elevator closed its doors, taking her children away. Leaving her with five very hungry grandchildren. _Oh god, _she thought.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

The car ride was hell, they all decided to take separate cars for the long five hour journey. It would be way too awkward for all of them to sit in a tiny confined space called a limo. Nate left before anyone else, thinking that arriving early and seeing Chuck first would make it easier on himself.

Serena was worried about Nate. The man she loved was stuck in the office doing work for hours and hours of the day. She saw it happen to Chuck, he was a different person when he was in and out of the office. After Serena had talked to him about calming down the work, he seemed like a completely different man.

She unresponsively picked up her phone, dialling a number she never expected to dial ever again. The phone rang and rang, no one answered. Trying one last time Serena was successful, Blair answered the phone with a simple greeting. Hello.

" Hi." Serena responded shyly, unaware of how to talk to her former best friend.

" hey," Blair replied, shocked that her best friend called her after ten months of not speaking.

" B..." Serena called her by her nickname they made after knowing eachother for only two weeks. It was love at first sight. " I'm worried about Nate, he's turning into Bart Bass."

" I've never met the famous Bart Bass and I never will. I have heard that he was a bit of a dick who was a workaholic and cared for no one but himself, even his son." Blair coughed, the awkward conversation becoming even more awkward when mentioning Chuck.

" Yeah, you pretty much summed him up in one sentence. Nate is a workaholic who hasn't seen his children properly for two months. I'm getting worried about him." Serena confided in Blair, a weight immediately being lifted of her heavy chest.

" I've seen it with Chuck, when things get hard men bury themselves in work." Blair sighed hard.

" all men?" Serena quizzed with raised eyebrows. She had dated her fair share of men and none had been as invested in his work as Nate was.

" only the men we like." Blair giggled lightly, it felt good to talk to her best friend with no stress. No babies involved, no cheating and no accidental backstabbing. They were two girls talking about the boys they liked on a phone call. " talk to him. He's feeling guilty and stressed, things are getting hard for him so he puts himself in more work which leads to further stress. A vicious cycle goes on from there."

" I don't know if I can talk to him like the old days, I didn't think I could do it with you but here we are having a full blown conversation." Serena chuckled nervously.

" it's going to be hard, it's hard being on the other end of the conversation but you have to do it for your sake and your children's sake." Blair reminded her, building up her confidence with the teeniest tiniest bit of innocent blackmail.

" thank you," Serena rasped into the phone.

" never thank me, it's my fault you are in this mess in the first place." Blair said, reminding Serena of something she wanted to say to her.

" I promised myself I would never lose my best friend because of a boy. Don't get me wrong you hurt be fucking badly but I'm not losing my best friend for a boy. Our friendship is never going to be the same again but that doesn't mean we can't try it again. Let's sort out this wedding with Chuck and then we can talk about us." Serena chatted, getting everything out. Leaving no secret behind was the best place for a friendship to start or continue.

" I love you, S." Blair held back the tears. Good thing there were on the phone or Serena would be able to see her having a meltdown in the car.

" I love you, B."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

It was 4:30pm. They had all arrived at the large mansion like summer residents. Everything for a wedding was out, rows of seats in the back garden even though the wedding wasn't for another week. The white wooden front door was larger than two men standing on top of eachother, Serena's tiny hang raised and knocked it.

A small olive skinned women opened the door. She had black beach waved shoulder length hair, bright blue eyes that were more of a white glared at the people in front of her. She had to be about 5"2, weighing about 110lb. Her tiny nose flared at them, she closed the door before returning with a sweet child like smile.

" Hi!" She greeted them with her strong sweet English accent. " I'm Holly Bethany Lindsor, you have to be the people I invited. An Upper East Sider stands out from the rest,"

" yes, I'm Serena Celia Van Der Woodsen." Serena smiled at her, clearly taking a quick liking to the English girl.

" Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald," Nate gave a firm business nod, making Serena roll her blue eyes.

" I'm Blair Cornelia Waldorf, it's so nice to meet you. It was quite an unexpected invitation." Blair put on her social smile, already hating the woman who was marrying Chuck even though she barely knew her.

" yes well, Henry's friends deserve to be here for his wedding day. I also wanted to talk to you before all the wedding madness starts, I need a clear head to get through this. Come in, sit in the first living room and I'll order some coffees." Holly offered, opening the door wider so they could all squeeze in. Leaving their bags for the doorman to take to their rooms upstairs.

The three made their way to the living room, the home was huge even for them. There was room after room filled to the brim with books and furniture, Holly must be a reader because Chuck could stand the newspaper but nothing else. It took about five tries to find the right room, it was a bright white, it didn't look homely or lived in. At least with Nate, Serena and Blair all their homes may be big but it still looked like people lived there, toys and playmats on the floor might say that also.

They took their seats on a three seater immaculate sofa, trying not to get anything on it. Serena stared at the walls, noticing that there were no pictures of family members or even of Chuck. It was bare, it could have been sold and lived in on the same day, no cleaning needed. Nate looked at the books, they were all women type books. It didn't surprise him much because Chuck didn't read any books but his favourite ' The Great Gatsby.' There was not one copy on the shelf, at The Empire there was about three copies in each room. Blair couldn't help but notice that all the shoes in the shoes rack were women's heels, not one pair of Chucks classic black dress shoes. It was all so suspicious.

" guys," Blair alerted them, the blondes both stared at her intently, waiting for her to continue. " there is not one pair of men's shoes. Chuck has fifty in his personal wardrobe, wherever he lives they are scattered everywhere."

" there's not one copy of 'The Great Gatsby," it's Chuck's favourite book and movie. He always has a copy with him. One in his limo, one in every hotel room, one in my room and Serena's old room. There is even one in your room, Blair." Nate added, the concern growing. What the hell had they gotten themselves into?

" It's like nobody lives here, it's complete empty. A family home normally has pictures and personal ornaments but there's nothing here." Serena joined in, her own suspicion rising to the point of worry.

" it's weird. If two people who were getting married lived here, it would be filled with pictures, favourite movies and books, maybe even a speck of dust. This is not a family home." Nate declared, it was so clean and white, Chuck did purple, reds and blacks. The whole Empire had that gothic colour sceme, he even had Blair change a few things in her apartment to be a darker colour.

" I agree, Chuck wouldn't live in a home like this. It's too... happy." Serena agreed, adding her own opinion to the group. The other two nodded in agreement.

" we have to find out what is happening here and then I'm off. This is some creepy shit." Blair swore, she never swore. This was a one off and she would never repeat a sentence like that again.

" hi! Sorry if I took long, the maid is not here. Henry gave her leave to see her family for Valentine's Day. I don't get it but he's so kind." Holly beamed as she walked in with four coffees on a tray. The three rolled their brown and blue eyes, Chuck wasn't kind and why the hell was she calling him Henry?

" I'm sorry if this comes off rude," Serena began, they all knew how she was going to end. " but why did you invite us here? You said you know Chuck but you are calling him Henry which by the way is his son's name. I need to know what's going on with my brother and fast because I need to know where I stand with him."

" it's all very difficult to explain, it's all so messed up but easy to put together." Holly mumbled into her hands, her head rested on her palms.

" but you have to explain," Blair demanded.

" okay..." Holly sighed in defeat. " it all started nine months ago..."

_Ten months ago _

_There was a loud bang. It startled the street, pain hitting everyone involved. The bone shaking noise of screams could be heard above the sound of the commotion. Two cars, one a long black shiny limo and one a old blue banger. Four people involved, none dead but one should have been. It was as if he was dead, everything was a complete blur. He laid bleeding in the wreck for three hours before the emergency team got to him. _

_Blood poured from every painful wound, a acute throbbing pain in his head making it hard to think. He could see briefly three blurry shadows of women and one of a small child, not above the age of four. They were all crying, he counted his blessings as he saw what they were looking at. The child's father was lying strapped to a suspender, being airlifted to the nearest hospital. The mother held her son, grabbing the two teenage girls for support. He had caused this mess, he broke a family for nothing. _

_There was a women standing alone in the corner of the street, watching as everything happened. A single tear slipped down her cheek, slowly she walked over to him. He was shocked by the actions of this women, she grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly. It felt supportive, it felt like a mother's grasp, holding him through the hard times. _

_" miss, do you know this man?" The paramedic asked the stranger, she nodded her head before replying in a soft English accent. _

_" I'm his fiancée," The woman shook her head, looking as sad as a lonely little girl. The paramedics pushed him in, jumping into the front of the ambulance to drive off. _

_" why did you do that? I don't know you." Chuck looked up at her, trying not to look into the light. _

_" I didn't want you on your own going to the hospital, I know how hard the hospital can be. And well, you know we know. I'm Holly." Holly smiled at him weakly, looking strong but feeling very weak. _

_" nice to meet you Holly." Her name rolled off his tongue like a magic word, making her flinch. _

_" and you?" _

_" I don't know," Chuck scrunched his eyebrows, the alarms went off. His blood pressure was dropping and so was his heart beat. They were losing him. _

Present

" so he doesn't know who he is?" Serena questioned, shocked by the recent revelation.

" nope, he lost every memory after the accident. It wasn't from the accident but it helped him do what he had done." Holly started to explain but Blair cut her off.

" what did he do?" Blair asked abruptly, desperate to find more about the love of her life.

" he has something called dissociative amnesia, something traumatic happened and his body unconsciously chose to forget memories. They said it would go away after a few weeks or months but it's been almost a year and he doesn't know anything." Holly shuddered, she truly loved Chuck. She wanted to know about his life before them and she knew nothing.

" so he doesn't know who I am or Nate or Serena. Does he even remember his children?" Blair sobbed uncontrollably, he had to remember her or at least their children.

" no," Holly shook her head. " I didn't know he had kids until you told me."

He had truly forgotten them. All of them.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

_' Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by if you smile through your pain and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through for you.'_

_-_

_Charlie Chaplin_


	3. Ending It All

Hey!!! I will be calling Chuck Henry until Chuck realises that he is Chuck not Henry. Very confusing but it will make sense. Hopefully.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

When you try to forget someone you love it never works because they are always engraved on your heart, it's permanently written in stone. The good and bad memories that you share don't disappear into thin air, the words that were spoken cannot be unsaid. The amazing life you build together, children, friends and family that have been merged by you. It cannot be forgotten.

Chuck had forgotten them, all of them even his little infant children. The moments with Serena as an older brother messing with his sister, pizza, weed and beers with Nate, making love to Blair. He had forgotten it all. It was as if the past had never happened and he was this new clean slate. Three other people had very dirty slates because of him but he gets this new start, it wasn't fair on anyone.

Blair, in tears, ran out of the weird white spotless house. The gold gates at the front of the estate where wide open, welcoming her to leave whenever she wanted and she wanted to leave now. Blair ran as fast as she could and never stopped running until she reached an old broken down bar, her friends wouldn't step foot anywhere near and definitely not in a place like this. The blinding illuminous red lights that spelt out The Round Hog flickered and for a moment or two went out. It was a dump, excactly where Blair wanted to be right now.

She walked into the crumbling bar, immediately smelling cheap ale and lit cigarettes, it would definitely take a while to get the smell of cigarette smoke out of her hair. Blair sat at the bar, placing her handbag on the fading water-marked wood and ignoring the cat calling men around her. The bartender asked her what she wanted, not wanting to sound as posh as she actually was she asked for a pint of beer. It was the worst service ever but it left her sometime to think.

The pint of an orange coloured liquid was dumped in front of her, the foam flowing over the bucket of a glass. She took her first tiny sip, pulling a very unladylike face as the beer reached her taste buds. After the third or fourth sip of the disgusting liquid it started to taste decent, it wasn't anywhere near as nice as Dom or even Chuck's aged scotch that burned your throat but it numbed the pain slightly.

" Miss..." a deep raspy voice awoke her from some really horrible thoughts, she recognised that voice. It was dark and mysterious with a hint of sarcasm and drenched in sex. It was his voice and Blair knew it.

" yes? How can I help you?" Blair replied confidently, acting like she had never met him. It may have not been the best approach at the situation but it was better than screaming a name at someone who is technically a complete stranger.

" you dropped your bag, Miss. You should be more careful. A pretty darling like you walking around these treacherous streets at night without a purse or phone is not the best thing around these parts. That's a Louis Vuitton, you probably have more at home but that's a special edition." The dark haired man chuckled, he had a more of an Texas accent. If you heard his voice you would think a cowboy hat and a horse came along after. Blair was shocked at the fashion knowledge this man had, Chuck never knew anything unless it came to what cufflinks matched what suit.

" yes. It is a special edition, you have a good eye for fashion. Not many men would know their Louis from their Gucci. Well, I'm not really from around here. Thank you, most men would have taken it." Blair thanked him, seeing him again after such a long time apart made her heart beat fast and her stomach flutter with butterflies.

" I'm not like most men, well at least I hope I'm not. I'm Henry Newton." He introduced himself with the wrong name but Blair took it as an introduction. Henry was Chuck and Chuck was Henry, there had to be some kind of recognition of his past.

" I'm Blair Waldorf, what is a man like you with a name Henry Newton doing at a place like this?" Blair quizzed with a flirty smile, looking into his hazel eyes deeply. Never wanting for the gaze to break.

" I should be asking you the same question pretty darling, you must be Blair Waldorf as in the famous fashion designer Eleanor Waldorf's daughter." Henry stated, Blair just continued to smile at him. " I'm here to get away from my fiancée, I need some alone then. She is a rich British trust fund baby so she would never come near a place like this, I need sometime away from her to clear my head a bit. She's got some snobby old friends over when asked her not to. We have our wedding in under a week and she just wants to find my past and not focus on my future."

" maybe you have to revisit your past to get on with your future. I have three beautiful children that I would never change for the world, I used to think that looking back to my life without them was being the worst parent in this crazy world. I should always want them here even when I'm pulling my hair out and never wish for a life without them being there. Then I learned that I shouldn't lose the old me so I can become the new me, both past and future play major parts in the present." Blair pondered, Henry pulled a serious thinking face. It made her laugh and he soon joined her.

" how the hell have you got three children? You barely look old enough for one newborn." Henry exclaimed with wide hazel eyes, it was as if Blair was meeting a new man. He was happier, kinder and way more interested in talking than Chuck ever was.

" I have ten month old twins and I'll have a one year old son in around three weeks. My eldest is Milos Charles, then the twins are Bailey Harriet and Henry Nathaniel." Blair smirked, emphasising Henry's name. The man smiled back at her, it wasn't a smirk like Chuck normally did. It was an actual smile, the curl of his lips and the lines by his mouth made him look older but way more handsome.

" I'm extremely honoured," Henry joked. " what's a pretty darling like you doing around a weird horror movie like bar?"

" I was running, it's a really stupid thing I do." Blair blushed pink, remembering a soul shattering conversation she had with Chuck. Running, she asked him not to run anymore and he said he couldn't promise that to her. Running was one of the main things that broke them apart. When things got tough they both would run, thinking of nobody but themselves. Blair had got over the running after Milo was born but Chuck never did. That's why she was sitting here talking to Henry.

" you do look a bit flushed, this stinking old beer won't calm down your breathing. Try some bottled water." Henry teased, pretending to inspect her large pint glass.

" you are so confident in yourself, maybe you should get back to your wife." Blair demanded, they should be friends and only friends until he works out who he truly is. Blair was the other woman with Nate and Serena and didn't intend to be the other women in another situation. It would mess up an already completely fucked up situation.

" fiancée," Henry corrected her, he didn't know why but he had this... pull to the brunette woman. He wanted to be with her and never leave again. Again? He had never met her before this moment. " but you are right pretty darling, I'll see you around Blair Waldorf." He grabbed his rugged leather jacket from the back of the wooden barstool, carelessly throwing it over his shoulder. It hung on by a single flimsy finger tip.

" I'll see you around Henry Newton." Blair imitated, looking back down at her half drunk orange pint. She heard the wind chimes at the top of the bar door chime and then the revving of an old sounding truck. Three long minutes slowly passed and then all was silent again except for the shouting of the old alcoholic men.

An old soccer game played on the old block tv, cheers from the drunken men could be heard every time something she assumed was good happened. Blair didn't understand it at all but she cheered with them, getting into the spirit of the commoners. It felt good to be normal for five minutes of the day, to have no worries and no drama going on.

The babies were safe with Lily as well as their cousins, Nate had apologised to Serena and she was taking it better than anyone could have hoped. Chuck or Henry looked really good, there was a noticeable scar behind his left ear but other than that he looked excactly the same except for being happy. If Henry was happy then Chuck was happy. She should be happy too.

**WRU@? We r so worried about u B! U have 2 come home, Chuck/Henry is cmng hre and I dnt know what to say - S**

**On my way! Just act cool and don't bring up anything about childhood and stuff. C U Soon - B **

Blair grabbed the Louis Vuitton purse Henry had retrieved from the sticky crumb covered floor and tipped the bartender a huge sum for just leaving her alone. The bitter early spring air on her face felt amazing, she walked in one person and came out another. The walk was around 30 minutes to the house, feeling energetic she decided to walk back to her temporary residence in huge white stilettos and a tight white skirt. The gravel massaged the base of her feet as she walked, her big toe hitting a large pebble once in a while but she didn't feel anything but happiness.

Blue lights of the garage sign illuminated her soft features, welcoming her to the dark night. Car after car stopped to give her a lift but she always answered them with the same sentence. _The nights too beautiful to ignore_. She looked up at the stars, following the shadows of planes across the sky. It was like a fairy tale and she never wanted it to end. There could never be an ending chapter, the story always went on.

The house came into view, walking in would mean she would have to face reality but she knew she had to do it. Blair reapplied her make up, puffing up her brown hair with her sharp finger nails. The door opened, Serena stood behind it before she could even knock. She shushed Blair in, showing her to the large dining area. The table had been cleared up, dinner was over. Serena pulled a slightly annoyed face before pulling Blair into a hug, her body shaking with a sob.

" B! He doesn't know who I am at all. I'm his twin sister and now we are nothing. I thought he would see me and Nate and recognise us straight away but he didn't even know our names. It was awful but he looks so happy. Chuck is happy, should we try to mess with that?" Serena whimpered into her best friends comforting shoulder, playing with a strand of curly brown hair that smelt like raspberry.

" to be honest, I don't know what we should do. All I've ever wanted for him is the happiness I see on his face now, that's all he has ever wanted for me. If this is his happiness then maybe we should leave him to it. It sounds awful but we are not good for him, we have never been good for him." Blair shushed her, lightly rubbing a hand on her best friends uncovered golden back.

" Chuck has always been really good for me, I've never loved someone like I love him. We had gotten somewhere, I was giving him the family he had always wanted. He was my best friend, my step brother and my twin brother. I don't want to give him up, I can't give him up. He is the only thing in my world that understands me, the only one that understand all of us and never judges." Serena wiped her blue eyes, pulling back from her crying friend. Blair lifted her shaking thumb and wiped the smudged mascara off the blonde's cheek.

" and we will always remember that, he's happy S. Chuck has tried so hard for us to be happy and now he finally is. No matter how much we love that man, we can't make him happy. I'm letting him go, I hate doing it but I love him to much to make him stay. I asked him a very long time ago to let me go and I didn't know then that I needed to let him go first. He wasn't attached, I was." Blair reasoned, making the blonde see light of the situation.

" Chuck loved you Blair, I've never seen him smile until he met you...I'm so sorry, I've done something terrible." Serena cried, grabbing her friend for another tight embrace. Blair was so confused that she just hugged back. " he left you a USB stick and a letter to read to the children. I was selfish so I didn't give it to you, it was after the whole Nate cheating with you thing."

" I don't need any apology, we have both been huge bitches this past year but now we need to move on from the past. I'm sorry, I slept with Nate." Blair said right out, she sounded harsh but Serena knew she had more to the sentence. " I will regret that for the rest of my life, I hurt you and the love of my life badly for one night of very painful uncomfortable sex. It ruined everything and I'm sorry. It will never be until but it's the best I will ever be able to do."

Blair could see Serena thinking it over, she always pulled a straining face when thinking over something that was extremely difficult. Blair always found it really cute, something Serena always hated to be called but Blair did it anyway. The women stood in the peaceful silence, Nate's heavy tired snores heard from upstairs and the swirling of the pool outside. It was a windy night, every tree in the ginormous garden was swaying widly. Thunder roared and the bright light of lightening could be seen shimmering off the blue pool.

" was it really that bad?" Serena asked with a squirming face, Blair was confused so Serena rephrased the question. "was the sex with Nate that painful?"

" yes but it wasn't his fault. I was cleared a few hours before to have sex and it had only been five weeks since I pushed two 4lb babies out of my vagina. Have you... you know... had sex?" Blair inquired with her girl talk face. She pushed herself and Serena onto the sofa so they could properly talk about boys and the pressures of being women who have children.

" no... I've been too scared to try again B. I'm not who I used to be before the girls, physically and mentally. A relationship with Nate is always mental and talking, sometimes I just want some hot passionate wild animal sex with no repercussions and talking about it afterwards." Serena admitted, her tanned cheeks turning a rosy golden pink. " but then when I talk to him about a more physical relationship he becomes physical with no mental, I wish you could get the perfect mix."

" Chuck was different. When we first met it was all physical, that's why we have twins, and then after I told him about the pregnancy it became all mental. It was as if I was a fragile breakable porcelain doll and needing taking care of. I told him I wasn't then it became physical again and from there it swapped between the both. We can wish one thing and then want another thing the next minute, it's called being a mother." Blair soothed her, their eyes met and for the first time in months they were just best friends talking. Two girls on the phone talking. It felt so normal that they wanted the drama to come back but at the same time never wanted to move from this position. Serena knew what she had to do, she reached in her pocket and pulled out the USB stick and a thick yellow letter. Blair stared it up and down, wondering if she should take it. She didn't have time to think before Serena forced into her hands and then getting up to leave. Serena always had to have the last word.

" do whatever you want with it, it was left for you and your children. Just don't do something you'll regret in the morning." Serena said, her hands touched the cold white bannister and she used it as support as she walked up the steps. Blair heard the door of her bedroom shut and all the movement stop.

Deciding it was time for her bedtime also, she made her way upstairs with the USB stick and letter in hand. Her room was at the end of the corridor, right above the pool. Two large glass doors walked out onto a balcony that over looked the garden. There were two more balconies, one either side of her. Tonight she was out in the cold fresh air alone, no one to bother her so she could focus on the task at hand.

She stuck the USB in the laptop balanced on her lap, anxiously sipping at her decaf cappuccino. Finally she noticed the folder labelled ' The Basses' at the bottom of the screen, she scrolled the mouse to click on it. There were only two files in the folder, one a video the other photos, Blair clicked on the video first.

It showed Chuck Bass sitting infront of the screen, his hair and face a complete mess. He had dark brown stubble on his jaw and was in desperate need for a proper hair cut. His clothes were dirty and crumpled, probably clean that morning but not anymore. There was a white light on the right side of his face, it must have been night. The moon shone bright in the room, it looked like a hotel room but not an Empire room. She pressed play.

_' This is probably one of my most stupid ideas but I'm drunk and have already tried five times so I'm not giving up. I'm Chuck Bass, I don't give up without a fight. I was going to fight for you, I'm not so sure anymore.' _

Blair saw the man in front of her breakdown, she didn't know this man. This man wasn't Chuck, Chuck was strong and never let his emotional barriers down. This man wasn't Henry, he was happier and joyful, filled with emotion but happy emotions. This wasn't him, this wasn't anyone Blair knew, had know or would want to know as bad as it sounds.

'_Blair baby I don't know what to do anymore. I've done everything I can for you and the children. I've been there when you needed me and gone when you have not. I have loved you, I have tried hating you but I will never be enough for you. I'm lost. I've been lost since I was sixteen years old, I was a child when my life was ruined. I can't blame you for this sadness I feel because I will never love anyone like I love you, you can't waste a love like that. It consumes you, it horrifies you, it kills you but mostly, it changes you. I am different man not because of you but because of my love for you. I can't depend on you but I can depend on my love for you. It is always there even when your are not looking or wanting it. I've tried to escape it with running, drugs, booze and women but nothing has worked. Maybe it's because we have only known eachother for our babies lifetime, maybe it's because something about you is so unforgettable. I don't know anything anymore, the only thing I know is that I can't love you anymore. To me, you mean the world and I would die for you, should I feel like that? No. Do I want to feel like that? No. Do I still love you after a month of trying not to? Yes.'_

Blair could finally see her Chuck in this empty shell of a human being on the screen, he put up a wall and shut out emotions. He loved her and she loved him, if love was that simple then they would have been married and on their fourth kid by now. Love isn't simple, it's like a roller coaster. You feel nervous at first, then you start to feel a tingle of excitement in your stomach. The scary part is coming and then the rides over. You were scared of that big part but you desperately want to get back on and when you do, you go through the whole cycle again.

_' I'm broken. I'm unfixable, at one point I thought you were my glue, my missing piece but I was wrong. You were another crack to my shattering heart, cheesy but true. I don't know how I'm going to live without you but I'm going to do it. I'm doing it for me, for my children and for you. You are all better off without me, I bring darkness to a light place. I can't be the wind to a flame, I rile you up or blow you out. I can't be the man you deserve to love because you deserve the best and the worst. I pray to god I'm not either of them because I want to give you the world but I'm a devil, I'll ruin you without trying. I love you, Blair Waldorf. That's why I'm ending it, ending it all.' _

She noticed how the emotion left his dark blood shot eyes, the video had taken a turn for the worse. Blair wanted to shut it off but she had no power in her hands to do it. Her body was numb, her legs wouldn't budge from their spot. She knew what he was going to say but she just could bare to hear him say it. She might actually break when he does.

' _when the kids are older, tell them about me. Make sure they know the bad as well as the good, I don't want to create a picture of a perfect prince once I was really a devil in disguise. Tell them I love them everynight before bed and when they wake up. Most of all, don't forget me Blair Waldorf. Even in death, I will never forget you.' _

The screen went dark, the video ended. When they said an accident with cars it was immediately thought to have been a car accident but it wasn't. Chuck must have jumped in front of a moving car or from a building on top of one. It was all to much, the news of the past two days had brought to much pain. How would she tell the kids that their father couldn't remember them because he tried to kill himself because she slept with Uncle Nate?

Chuck had gotten to the point of depression that he had wanted to end it. All of it. His breath, his heart beat, the thoughts in his head. Blair knew how he went into these dark periods but they had never gotten this bad. To the point of killing himself. She didn't know how to feel, she was as empty as the man on her screen.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

_**I will leave my heart at the door**_

_

**I won't say a word**

_**

_They've all been said before you know_

_So why don't we just play pretend_

_Like we're not scared of what's coming next_

_Or scared of having nothing left_

**

_**Look, don't get me wrong**_

_

**I know there is no tomorrow**

_**

_All I ask is_

**

_**If this is my last night with you**_

_

**Hold me like I'm more than just a friend**

_**

_Give me a memory I can use_

_Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do_

_It matters how this ends_

_'Cause what if I never love again?_

_-_

_All I Ask by Adele _

**


	4. One More Time

She didn't move, why didn't she move? Blair should have moved by now but she just lay there for two days. Food was sent to her room but it sat outside her door unfinished. The balcony doors never closed, if you stood outride the door you could feel the cold breeze on the tips of your toes. It was as if she was a hidden princess, watching over her people but they never saw her.

On the third day of them being there, four days before the wedding, Blair walked out of her room looking as if nothing had happened. She was dressed to perfection, not a dark curl out of place. A green velvet one piece hung tightly to her body, sunglasses balanced on her brown hair.

Serena was lounging on a sun chair, dressed in a blue bikini. Her beach waved blonde hair flowing down her back, pink lipgloss shining in the sun. She immediately jumped up when she saw her best friend, slapping her hand on the chair next to her. Blair gave a smile and sat on the empty sun chair.

" are you feeling better now? I feel like I haven't seen you in days," Serena smiled, lowering her sunglasses to the bridge of her nose.

" I am so much better now, I had a little break and I feel like a Queen." Blair beamed, turning her head to her best friend. It had been weird not having her around for the past few months, everything was back to normal and felt so great. Talking to her best friend like best friends do is the most wonderful feeling in the world. All Blair need right now was Serena.

" that's good because I was thinking cocktails by the pool and maybe a stroll on the beach. We could go shopping in town, they have the most beautiful hand crafted stuff here." Serena chatted, her churning stomach calmed down. The awkward tension that had been there before was now gone, leaving on good and positive vibes.

" I think that that is an amazing day, I want to pick up some stuff for the nursery. Imagine a little wooden rocking horse, I can see Milo on it now. He's cruising everywhere these days." Blair giggled, remembering how she had to put carpet in every room because Milo kept on crawling and flopping himself down. Chuck should have been there. His first steps, his first word, his first time eating solids. They had all done it without him, they didn't need him and Blair hated that fact. Blair wanted their children to love them both equally but they couldn't remember the man that was there for the first few weeks of their lives.

" I can't believe he's turning one, that's just... fabulous and weird at the same time. I've missed it all, I should have been there for my nephew but I missed out on it for my own personal reasons. I should be a good auntie." Serena quietened down, she had ruined the good positive mood. Blair didn't want her to feel like that, it was Nate and her fault that all of this shit happened.

" you know," Blair ignored her, carrying on with her own thought. " I show the triplets pictures of all of you, when you were younger and older. I tell them all about you. I have a picture from the first week we met, I was looking so professional and you looked so beautiful and free. I show the kids that picture because that's how I want them to remember you. The days where there are no tears, all smiles and laughing. I want them to see there is a light in this world and you were my light. I blew out that light and I'm trying to relight it with a damp matchstick. I want my children to see you."

" you are one amazing speaker. You could argue your way out of anything but thanks. I would never be the same person without you, if you hadn't hurt me I don't think I would be this person. In a good way. I look at my beautiful daughters and when I do, I see my world in their striking blue eyes. I have raised those girls by myself and I wished at one point that Nate was there then I realised that I could do it on my own. I could raise those girls to be strong independent women who are polite and kind, I could try my best to create decent human beings. I wouldn't be the mother I am today without you, I don't think I would be alive." Serena admitted with the purest flicker of pain in her blue eyes, Blair flinched everytime it reappeared.

" I hate not knowing who you are, I hate not being there for you. I'm selfish, I put my needs over everyone else's and we for stuck in this mess. You and Nate broke up and you missed you nephews and niece's firsts. Chuck tried to kill himself, S, and it's all my fault." Blair told her, forgetting about her promise to herself that she wouldn't tell anyone.

" Oh god, oh god, oh god." Serena repeated, unable to say anything else than those two words.

" do you think there is anything more than this, than this life?" Blair mumbled, she truly meant it. She loved her children but they had to be more. She shouldn't feel like this when she had an entire life out there waiting for her.

" there has to be. I can imagine complete and utter happiness with no return, always stuck in sweet bliss but then I stop. The drama makes us who we are, I am no one without it. I wouldn't have my babies, I wouldn't have Nate and I wouldn't have my brother. The drama and pain fills the empty holes in our lives and I feel complete." Serena muttered to the heavens, her voice barely above a sweet whisper.

" the drama doesn't make me complete, the people that come with it do. In all these months since everything started, I have never needed you more. In two years, we had babies and heartbreak and the worst kind of pain but you've always been there. It all fell down, it's all falling down around me and I can't fix it. I'm suffocating, I can't be the only one that hates the world. I've sacrificed my sanity to this stupid world and I get this shit thrown back at me. I want to wake up from this nightmare!" Blair yelled out to the pool, nothing answered. She was screaming at and to herself.

" B? I think you need help, I know you and this isn't you. I would pin it down to motherhood but it's not. I can see it in your eyes," Serena sobbed, pulling her best friend in close. Never letting her go. " I want him to be happy and I know you do, let him go for my sanity."

" I never thought it would be so hard though, he is the missing piece to our puzzle. He's our fourth member and creator, he pulled us together before any of us really knew eachother." Blair lamented, reliving the past in her pain fiddled mind. She wouldn't have one of her closest friends and three children right now if it wasn't for Chuck. " I can still see him sitting there at the booth, a tumbler of scotch in his hand and that messy brown hair. He stared at me in a way no one had ever before, I felt sexy and wanted. That night was amazing and sometimes I just want to go back and tell him to stop. This whole mess of a life wouldn't have happened and he would still be Chuck Bass. He was happier without me, he is happier without me. Look at him with Holly,"

" that's not Chuck, my Chuck wouldn't fall in love so fast. He's only done that once and that girl was you. I saw him two days after that night, he had the biggest grin on his face. I thought it was his after sex glow then I saw it, it was a smile. My brother was smiling, something I have only seen him do a handful of times. You are his one and only, his light and dark. You are his life." Serena soothed her, slowly rubbing her hand over the brunettes curly dark locks. " being a mother doesn't change who you are, you will always be Blair Waldorf. The girl with a collection of headbands and way too many notebooks, the girl who had the most beautiful eyes and an amazing heart. You can love and hate with the most powerful force, I feel something when I'm around you like I..." Serena couldn't find the words to finish but Nate knew what she was saying. He had just come out to find out about the noise, he had worried about Blair for the last few days but it was good to see her out in the sun.

" have nothing and everything to fear, the world was in your hands and on your shoulders, she could make or break your heart." Nate said monotonously, staring at the beautiful women on the chairs before him. His eyes only went for Serena and her gorgeous golden body.

" yeah, that's excactly what I was saying. Blair you are in my life and have changed it for the better, the reason I'm sitting here today is because of you and will always be because of you. I was an immature teenage girl who didn't care for anyone and then you showed me the light and I took it. I took it for granted, I hurt you so bad over the years and I hate myself for that." Serena admitted. Nate pulled her in, resting his arm on her waist and her head on his shoulder.

" I don't blame you but you should blame me. Can we please just say that we all did wrong and now we are fixing it piece by piece?" Blair bargained, earning two cheesy grins of her friends. Instead of answering, Nate picked her up and threw her into the pool. She bounced back up with burning nostrils and the same cheesy grins her closest friends were wearing.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

It was the day of the wedding, the whole house was buzzing with excitement and grief. Holly hadn't let Henry in the house for the past two nights which Blair didn't mind. She hadn't seen Henry since they met at the bar, she was sure he didn't know that she was staying at his house.

Serena and Blair had been called multiple times by Holly, she wanted the girls to see her wedding dress before she walked down the aisle. It was all set up outside, the perfect white rose covered arch and under a hundred white chairs arranged in rows. It was simple and sweet, it was personal and affectionate. The guests had began arriving, Henry was at the front of the chairs waiting for his beautiful bride.

As the formally dressed women walked into the room occupied by the bride, they saw a swarm of white lace. Holly's dress was elegant, it hung tight at the top of her body and flowed lace from underneath her breasts. Blair loved it, it was as she invisioned her dress if she ever married on a beach or Greece. Holly's dark hair had white roses entwined in her braids, the rest of her flowing around her shoulders. She looked like a dream.

" wow, you look amazing." Blair exclaimed, unable to keep the words in her mouth. It was true, Holly looked amazing.

" thank you Blair, I'm so nervous and needed a bit of talking." Holly stuttered, the nerves reaching her hands making her shake uncontrollably. Blair grabbed them tightly and looked into the woman's white eyes. This woman was going to marry Chuck or Henry, either way she was marrying someone she loved.

" you look amazing, out there is amazing, it's all going fabulously." Serena reassured her, playing along with the plan they made. They had all agreed to let Chuck/Henry get on with his life and if he finds his way back to them on his own then that's when they would start helping him remember.

" you are taking this so well especially you Blair. It must be hurting, I love Henry and if he left me then I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Love is so special and painful at the same time, you know that already though." Holly said innocently, she was young and didn't know what she was saying. It was nervous wedding jitters mixed with my fiancé's ex lover is here. At the early age of 22 it was a lot to take in and she was doing it like a champ.

" yes but I'm over it. Chu... Henry is happy here and that's all that matters to me, to us. If he remembered us then we would intervene but he didn't so we are leaving him alone. He has a beautiful life here with you, why would we take him back to a awful life with me?" Blair asked rhetorically, her gaze never moving from the pink peonies bouquet in the corner of the room. Her wedding bouquet was Blair's favourite flowers, this wedding was Blair's dream. It was so Blair that I could have been her wedding, from the setting to the food. It was all so Blair.

" I'm sorry that it didn't work out with him, I called you so he could remember you but he doesn't. I would never stand in the way of true love, I believe that Chuck loved you but Henry loves me. It's confusing but isn't that what love is about? You forget normality and being average just so you can feel that rush." Holly sympathised with Blair, she was so sweet and considerate. This young girl was the opposite of Blair and Henry was the opposite of Chuck. They fit so perfectly together that it was hard to believe that Henry could he anything like Chuck but he was. He was Chuck.

" Chuck loved me, that's the one thing I'm sure of." Blair began quoting one sentence that had stuck in her head for the past few days. " _My breaking heart and I agree, that you and I could never be, so with my best...my very best, I set you free_"

" B, it's going to be okay. Trust me, an hour tops then we can stay or go back to bed." Serena looked into her best friends eyes, seeing the pain they resides there. It was as strong as ever, pouring out in tears.

" I have to be here so I can let him go properly, this is my way of saying goodbye to the man I love. I wish him the best, I wish that he can find true happiness without me. I just thought it with me, with his children but he can't. I'm jealous that he's happy with you, Holly but I have to deal with that fact like a woman." Blair nodded her head slowly, Serena could see her friend breaking. She held her hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

" let's go B," Serena smiled, trying to stay strong on this hard day. Blair wasn't the only one letting go of Chuck, Serena was saying goodbye to her brother. This was her last farewell.

Blair gave a weak smile to the bride and then hand in hand with Serena walked out into the crowd. Nate already had found seats at the very back, Blair sat in between the blondes. They both grabbed one of her hands, holding it like there was no tomorrow. They were each other's strength, without eachother they were weak. There would always be a missing part, they would always be missing Chuck but slowly they could fill his space. Eventually it would start feeling better, surely it could?

_Wise men say, only fools rush in_

_But I can't help falling in love with you_

The music began, everyone stood. The three shakily stood up, looking at the patio doors waiting for the bride. Henry was at the front, jumping up and down like a nervous groom would do it. The music was perfect, the groom was perfect, it truly was an amazing wedding.

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_

_If I can't help falling in love with you_

" it's all so amazing, if I was the bride I would be the happiest person in the world. I wish I was the bride, I love him." Blair began to cry, still holding her best friends hands. They looked at her with their own tears in their eyes, Nate rested her head on his chest and Serena rested her blonde locks on Blair's shoulder.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be_

" B, one day you will be the most beautiful bride but today let's watch our best friend get married. We are doing this for him, I love him but he's happier here with Holly." Serena said bluntly, not wanting to beat around the bush. It was as simple as that and Blair should know it.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

" it's all going to be okay, we have to get through this then we can go and leave Chuck here. It's time for him to feel happiness." Nate whispered, smiling at the bride as she walked down the aisle. Little flower girls wandering before, throwing white rose petals as they walked.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be_

" goodbye Chuck Bass," Blair gulped as Holly reached Henry. A huge grin was shared between them, it was clearly love to the stupidest of eyes.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

" goodbye Chuck Bass," Serena and Nate said in union, the music was calming down and the crowd sat down. It was time for the wedding to begin, they were lost hopelessly in a trance. Staring at the bride and groom, tears pouring down their faces not caring who was around them.

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

" Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the joining of Henry Leon Newton and Holly Bethany Lindsor in marriage. With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife." The priest began, everyone became quiet so they could listen to his every word. Cameras were dotted around the wedding, there was a crying woman at the front that the three had decided was probably Holly's mother. "True marriage begins well before the wedding day, and the efforts of marriage continue well beyond the ceremony's end. A brief moment in time and the stroke of the pen are all that is required to create the legal bond of marriage, but it takes a lifetime of love, commitment, and compromise to make marriage durable and everlasting. Today you declare your commitment to each other before family and friends. Your yesterdays were the path to this moment, and your journey to a future of togetherness becomes a little clearer with each new day."

Everything this man was saying resembled Chuck and Blair, their lives and relationship together. They were meant to be together forever without it being legal, their marriage had began the moment their children were born. Love, they had plenty of that, some would say too much. Commitment was a difficult one, Blair hadn't been with Nate until after they had broke up but it was still hard to talk about. Chuck was committed to Blair, he would have never left her side. Compromise, Blair was giving up the love of her life just so Chuck could be happy with another woman. If that wasn't compromise then she didn't know what was.

" Do you Holly Bethany Lindsor, take Henry Leon Newton to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?" The traditional vows were read, Blair was waiting for Holly to say I can't but she knew that wasn't an option. Even Serena was praying that the young girl would say nothing and run or just say no.

" I do," Holly smiled.

"Do you Henry Leon Newton, take Holly Bethany Lindsor to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?" The vows were repeated, this was the moment Chuck was meant to come through and stop the wedding. He was meant to scream out that he remembered and that Blair was the only woman he wanted to marry.

" I do," those two words shook three souls, shattered them into a thousands pieces. Nate was losing his best mate, the kind of friend who would be there for anything. Serena was losing her big brother, the man that should be protecting her from all the bad boy men that wanted to date her. Blair was losing the love of her life, the man that was meant to be her forever and beyond that. She was his always and he was hers. Today she sat there watching him marry another women.

"And now, by the power vested in me by the State of New York , I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." The priest spoke, Blair's heart broke when Henry's lips met Holly's. It was sweet and cute, it wasn't like Chuck. Chuck and Blair were passionate and needy, sex always followed. This wasn't like that, it was savouring the moment. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Family and Friends I present to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Henry Newton." Everyone clapped, Serena and Nate as well for the social presentation. Blair sat in her seat, crying her heart out. It was too much, this was wrong.

Henry and Holly hand in hand walked down the aisle, sharing the sweetest grins. Love pouring from their bodies, happiness showing on their faces. They reached the patio doors and turned around. Henry's eyes for a brief moment met Blair's, inside Blair could feel this was the way Chuck was saying goodbye. She nodded her head and he nodded his.

" I can't do this," Blair sobbed, shaking as they jumped into the limo. They had decided no reception, they were going straight to their honeymoon.

" Blair, it's done." Serena cried, the sight of the limo pulling off broke something inside. It wasn't her heart or soul but something broke.

" Go after him." Nate spat out, he couldn't let his best friend go without a real goodbye.

" Na..."

" go Blair and don't look back. Go bring him home for me, Serena and his children." Nate ignored Serena's whining, focusing his blue eyes on Blair.

" he's going to be gone, the plane takes off in thirty minutes." Blair rushed, grabbing her coat and handbag.

" good thing I got Holly's passport, she can't get on the plane without it." Nate smirked, pulling the small book from his suit pocket. " go get him."


	5. Once Again

**Rated M**

_" Care to dance?" A man who looked exactly like him asked a petite brunette, the man had stood up and extended a arm. The woman held the man's hand, butterflies going crazy in his and her stomach._

_He watched the scene, it felt so familiar but distant at the same time. He could predict what they were going to say but never suspect the emotions going on. It was home, an old home that he had moved away from._

_The slow song began, the man placed his hands on the woman's tiny waist. There was a small bump residing on her stomach, a baby safely residing there. The woman put her arms around his neck. Henry was now the man, he wasn't watching anymore. He was him. Her head rested on his firm muscular chest, he could smell her intense but sweet strawberry hair. At that moment he felt calm, a calm he had never felt before._

_" why can't we just run? Me, you and Milo," he begged her, the words pouring out of his mouth without him even knowing. The woman remained silent. " I love you with my whole being. I want to marry you and have children with you. I want the perfect life. Please." He continued to beg and she still remained silent. " Marry me?"_

_" okay," The brunette sighed, he broke down her walls and he could see she liked it._

_" really?" He asked, his eyes filling with excitement, he placed his head on her curls._

_" give me a few months, break this wedding off and give me time to think. I love you but marrying you is a complete different step," She replied, he could hear her sniffing. Maybe there were tears but it was too dark to see._

_" if I have to wait years to marry you then I will wait. Blair Cornelia Waldorf, you are my soulmate." He said, she smiled and he smirked. Henry remembered, this was the woman from the bar. He saw her briefly at the wedding, why was she in his dream?_

_" and you are mine. Charles Bartholomew Bass," Blair said. She knew who he was before he forgot, she was apart of his life without him even knowing. Blair pulled back from the embrace, the music stopped and everything darkened only leaving a spotlight on Blair who wasn't pregnant anymore. "Come home baby, you can't be my soulmate if you die." _

_He stared at her in confusion then felt the water filling his lungs. He couldn't breath, his nostrils burned with salt water and throat clogged with breath. _

_" come home to us Chuck, I need you now more than ever. The babies need you." _

_" we have a electrifying, intense thing but it's too much too fast. I want to be with you but I can't. We've tried for a week and it already failed. Let me go and I'll let you go." _

_" Wherever you and that baby are happiness exist and I'm glad I can join you. So now I ask you Blair Waldorf, will you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend?" _

_" I'm done with the games, the excuses and the lies. We are not teenagers anymore, our children are involved. Im done with this. We are done, see you in court."  
_

_" Blair Waldorf, I need you to know that you are perfection. A masterpiece. A poem perfected the first time. Don't you dare change that, I love that Blair. I need you to know I'm sorry, for everything."_

_" this is the start of something amazing, something that we have built. Every time I'm with or near you, I come alive and I feel free but safe and secure. It's feels new and exciting but homely and historic, like it's always been there and it will always be there. The way you kiss me and make love to me is magic, every nerve in my body is electrified. When you hold me and talk to my stomach, talking to the babies, my heart flutters. I want you and only you. I've found peace in this strange life and that peace is you." _

_" you have this family and you are abandoning it. Serena is your sister and is pregnant with your niece and nephew, Nate is her boyfriend kind of. I'm pregnant with our twins and I'm willing to look after a child that is not my own because I love you and him. You have this family that wants you and your leaving it behind. If we don't wait up on you, it's your fault not ours." _

_" that's all I want for you, I want you to be happy. I want you to get married and have children but with me, not him. We are Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck."_

_" Everything I do is for you. The lies are for you, the pain is for you and this untameable, uncontrollable love I feel is for you. I want you to be my everything and anything for the rest of this sad excuse of a life, I love you Blair Waldorf. You make me the happiest man on the earth with every breath, every tiny movement and with my children."_

_He remembered, he remembered everything. His awful childhood with a busy father and a dead mother, the lack of sibling hurt as well. The moment he met his best friend, Nathaniel, it was one moment he would never want to forget. When Lily and Serena came into his life and then his father's death. Then all he can see is her, Blair Cornelia Waldorf. She was in every memory, every thought, she filled his mind. He was finally Chuck Bass again. He needed to see her and their children. God, they must be almost a year old. He had missed so much of their lives and now he was missing more while being trapped in this dream. _

_" Chuck... wake up for me darling, the planes gone down. You are in the water, you need to find a way out and come home. I love you." Blair was flickering in his mind as he was coming around, he was listening to her. Chuck was waking up slowly, feeling the painful force of water in his nostrils. _

_" I love you too," then all went black. _

—————_————————————————_

" taxi!" Blair yelled to the upcoming traffic outside of the wedding, cab after cab drove past her. It was as if the universe doesn't want her to be with Chuck, could she blame them? " taxi!" They all still drove past her, not one stopping for the small brunette. Blair sighed then pulled out her phone, texting one of her most reliable numbers in her contacts. " hi Arthur, it's me Blair Waldorf. I'm stuck and I need of your services, where are you to now?" The friendly trustworthy driver of Chuck was the only person she trusted right now and it turned out he was only around twenty minutes away. " I'll see you then." She hit the red button then returned to her waiting. It was a boring wait so she called another number.

" B! Hi! What's happened? are you with him now? Does he remember?" Serena squealed through the phone, Blair backed away from the speaker with a roll of her eyes.

" one at a time S," Blair calmed her down, finally finding her friends erratic behaviour funny. " I'm only ten minutes into our journey, I've walked for ages in these stupid heels. No taxi is stopping for me, I have a ride on the way. How is everyone there?"

" it's awkward with Nate, he's just gone on his phone and ignored me. He's so caught up in himself that he hasn't even noticed that I'm wearing his favourite perfume and lingerie. I have even let the silk on my bralet _slip _out, my Nate is different than he was before everything." Serena sighed, Blair could hear the disappointment and felt bad for her best friend. She wanted Nate back and Nate didn't want her, well that's how it looked.

" do you still love him?" Blair said blankly; she heard Serena take a deep breath.

" I... don't know." Serena stuttered. She didn't know the answer to the question herself, how could she tell Blair something that might be a lie? " it was all so perfect when the girls were born, we had everything planned out and put in place. We don't have that anymore and it scares me that he wants to be free forever. I'm not enough for him."

" I've seen him looking at you as if the world has stopped and you are the only woman on this planet. The day you gave birth I saw this man, not a boy but a man. He looked at you and his daughters and then he grew up right there." Blair smiled at the image of Nate's face the day everyone's children were born. " Nate's mourning. His lover has ended it, he hasn't seen his children in ages and his best friend doesn't even know who he is. I don't condone what he has done to you or what I've done to you but it's been a hard few months and we were just there. It's not an excuse more of an explanation."

" I know nothing is perfect, lives are stupid and messy with a little family on top but I expected more from him. Nate was meant to be different from other guys, he was different at the start now I'm not sure who he is. We lived on one planet and now we live on planets miles away from eachother." Serena whispered into the phone, Nate must have been near her.

" Talk to him S, talking to me is doing nothing but calming your nerves for a few hours. You love him, he loves you. Go for it." Blair laughed and Serena joined in.

" bye B!" Serena giggled then hung up, leaving Blair alone and bored again. Arthur was due any minute but it still felt like hours. Finally he turned up and Blair practically jumped in the town car. Waving and smiling at the driver before she directed him to the airport, Holly's passport in hand.

The town car sped through the almost empty streets, not caring if they were going over the speed limit. Blair Waldorf has money and could pay off any fine that came her way. The short drive felt like complete hell, every second holding her away from the man she needed to breath. It might sound dramatic but Chuck was her breath, her oxygen supply. He was her everything.

" Arthur! How far now?!" Blair yelled in the front, the driver snapped his head back with a weak smile. He had watched Chuck Bass grow from a child into a man, now he was helping the woman that clearly wanted Chuck get him.

" we are around five minutes away from the airport, Miss Waldorf." Arthur smiled at her then noticed how nervous she actually was. " ma'am there is some Dom '59 under the seat, Mr Bass personally requested for there to be at least one bottle in any car I am driving."

" oh thank you, Arthur, you really are a doll." Blair gushed, immediately flapping her hands under the seat and retrieving the bottle and a champagne glass. She gulped down one glass then poured another, taking her sweet time on it.

" Miss Waldorf, I would advise you to run on it as soon as the car stops. The private jet is being fuelled as you can see from those men over there, they probably have two passports. The one that is in your hands and then one you always keep on the jet. I've learnt my fair share of things over the years from Mr Bass." Arthur explained before sharply pulling up on the curb. Blair took this as the signal and jumped out quickly. Running into the airport with great speed, bumping into tourists and home grown people.

Blair showed her passport and practically screamed at one of the guards that she was with The Lindsor party. They showed her to the large glass doors that led to where Chuck was standing, she could see him from inside the glass building. He was dressed in a new suit, purple. Perfect for him.

Her hands grabbed the cold silver handle, she pushed it and stepped onto the hard concrete floor of the runway. Her 5" pink heels clicked on the floor, alerting Henry of her presence. He turned his head and looked at the stranger, who was his pretty darling?

" pretty darling, I seem to keep running into your pretty little self. First at the bar then at my wedding, now at my wife's private jet. Are you stalking me?" Henry snickered and Blair couldn't say anything. His wife. Chuck was married even if it was as Henry, he was married to a beautiful girl that could bring him great happiness. Something Blair could never give him. "who are you? I keep seeing you, I saw you in my dreams before I even met you. You are haunting me in any possible way."

" I'm Blair Cornelia Waldorf." Blair said weakly, not wanting to push a whole new life on him at once.

" I know your name but who are _you_?" Henry asked again, a flicker of determination in his dark eyes. It was excactly what Chuck was like, always determined.

" we met eachother almost two years ago, I was in a beautiful low-cut body hugging black dress, my brown eyes glistened in the darkness. At first I shouted at you then warmed up to you. Then I had a text off my best friend saying she had found a blonde to sleep with and you were happy to have me to yourself. We had sex and then I found out I was pregnant. At first you acted like a complete dick but then you came to the realisation that that life was the one you wanted. You wanted the wife and kids, the office job to match. We've been through a lot, our first son then twins and a bulimia relapse but I have never loved someone more. I love you, Chuck Bass." Blair recited what Chuck had said to her the day Milo was born, it was a brief run through of their life together. There could have been so much more but their time together had ended way before they wanted it to.

" you knew me before the accident? and we had kids!" Henry exclaimed, he clearly didn't remember his previous life even after Blair told him who he was.

" yes, I knew you before your accident and yes, we had children. We have a one-year-old son in two weeks and two beautiful eleven-month-old twins. A son and daughter, Milo, Henry and Bailey." Blair smiled, she had been missing her children but she had to bring their father back home. For her sanity and theirs.

" why can't I remember you or them? Why can't I remember before?" Henry gulped, finding it hard to swallow the new information that had literally just come to light.

" I don't know," Blair chuckled softly, changing her stance and staring at the floor. " we can go home now, we can go and raise our babies. Be a proper family."

" I can't, me and Holly are happy and married. If I go back then I could be going back for nothing, here I have Holly and my baby." Henry revealed the well kept secret, Holly was pregnant. That's why the wedding was so rushed, it explains why Holly had a flowing wedding dress.

" she's pregnant," Blair rasped.

" she's four months pregnant with a girl. I can't be good for our children so I'm trying again with this baby." Henry began, making the tears pour down from both dark brown eyes. " it's all too much right now, I tried to kill myself. I might not know why but I do know that my former life wasn't good for me. I had three children and I run from them. Why the hell would you want me back to ruin their lives?"

" you didn't ruin their lives, you made their lives with me. We made their lives, everything they are and will ever be is because of us." Blair exclaimed, annoyed that this man, Chuck or Henry, would just up and leave for another family. That's where Blair could see Chuck and Henry were different, Chuck never started something that he couldn't finish. He always saw things through until the end.

" Blair, I don't know who I am. I don't know who they are, it's like showing me strangers." Henry sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose excactly like Chuck used to.

" how did you know me? Why would you believe that we have children together?" Blair questioned, the situation even confusing her. She didn't have any control over what's happening and she hated it.

" memories that keep popping up and I can't place them or even name who are in them but I can always see you. I saw you smiling and I saw you crying, I saw you pregnant and I saw you holding babies but then there is this blonde man. He took my place and hurt this other blonde girl. I see you in a dark booth and then in a coatroom but then there nothing, it always ends in nothing." Henry explained the dreams that had haunted him and he saw Blair's face drop when he mentioned the blondes.

" Nate is the blonde man, you and him are best friends. You were best friends until we broke up and I slept with him. The blonde girl is Serena, she is my best friend, your twin sister and Nate's baby mama. I hurt you all badly and that's why you left." Blair began to cry at the memory, that night had been painful and slow. It wasn't making love like with Chuck, it was stupid sex with Nate. Chuck would have caressed her, kissed every inch of her aching body. How she missed his touch.

" what the hell do I have to come home to?" Henry shouted at her, the rain began to pour reflecting on the bad atmosphere around them. " you cheated on me, I tried to kill myself. Why would I come him when I have the perfect family here with Holly?"

" I don't know," Blair sighed at him. " I thought you loved me but you clearly don't."

" Chuck loved you, I don't. I'm not him." Henry said with fear on his face, never had he shouted or raised his tone with a woman and he hated when he had just now.

" that's clear, Chuck would have stayed and fought until his very last breath." Blair breathed deeply, rubbing the water droplets from her nose. " goodbye Henry."

" goodbye pretty darling," Henry nodded and then walked onto the steps of the private jet. He only turned back for a moment and Blair's eyes caught his. The moment was just that, a moment and then he got onto the jet. Goodbye Chuck Bass.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Serena knocked his door gently, waiting for him to come was the most nerve racking moment of her life. She could hear him on the phone, pacing back on forth his room. She heard the beep and then the footsteps walking up to the door. Serena breathed in deeply and whispered her prayers under her breath.

" Serena," Nate said groggily, either hung over or extremely tired from the huge amounts of work he did in only a day.

" hi, do you have time?" Serena asked sheepishly, looking down at the carpet with her big blue watery eyes.

" I have a conference call in thirty minutes. Hey, it looks like you've seen a ghost, what's wrong?" Nate worried, he always worried about his sweet baby Serena. She was his life, if something happened to her he wouldn't know how live. Raise their twins the way she had raised them, show the untameable unconditional love that she gave to them. Serena was a star, a shining beaming beacon of hope to theme all. " come in,"

Serena listened and took a seat on the end of his king sized bed. She didn't talk to him, just looked out the large windows. Taking in the wonders of spring and the sun reflecting on the pool. It truly was beautiful. It reminded her of when she and Blair had gone on holiday for the first time together. They only went to the Hamptons for two days for Blair's mother's business but it was the few days that they truly began knowing eachother.

Serena told Blair about her former life, her battle with addiction and partying. At first it shocked the brunette, Blair knew that Serena liked a drink and a good party but not at the extreme that the blonde had to have her stomach pumped twice. Blair told Serena about her bulimia, Serena couldn't see how this beautiful brunette could see anything other than beauty. It might have been different than the normal stereotypical picture of perfection but damn was Blair gorgeous.

" what are we Nate? It's been almost two years since we met and I can't stop thinking that we could be more. We have twins together but that's not it, we share something else. Love. For a while after the Blair situation I thought it was love for our children but then I saw you this week without them and it's still there. The all consuming love that I can't escape no matter how hard I try. It's fading though because you are not the man I fell in love with anymore, you've changed with the working and I can't see _you _anymore." Serena informed him in a buisness type tone, Nate deserved to know what she was feeling for him and what could come from those feelings.

" I work to support my family." Nate said briefly, he couldn't say anymore no matter how hard he tried.

" i know," Serena nodded. " but do we really need any for than we have. We have enough money for our family and a hundred others, I rather you than the money."

" you rather me?" Nate exclaimed, shocked by the way the woman he loved but hurt immensely was revealing her feelings so freely to him.

" it might surprise you but I still love you, I swore to myself it wouldn't happen again. I vowed to myself that this was the end. The end of this longing, this pain so strong… I said I was over you, but oh I was so wrong. I can't get over you, you are my first and only love. You are my Natie." Serena cried, feeling a strong wave of happiness coming over her. It had been so hard to admit to herself that she still loved him but it was true. She would always love him.

" Serena, I don't want you to come into a relationship with me out of a spur of the moment thing. I know you want your happy ending like Blair and Chuck are having now but let's do it our way." Nate reasoned and Serena's face fell. He would never understand her love for him and it's something that hurt.

" it's not like that and I need you to know that. I need you to know that I forgive you but before I forgive you, I need you to understand me." Serena explained to him and Nate immediately understood.

" I understand you," and with that Serena roughly pressed her lips on his. There was no going back from the passion that was burning right through their bodies, ready to be released with a huge climax. "Are you nervous?" Nate asked, sensing her hesitation when he began playing with zip of her dress.

"No," said Serena. The truth was she was scared; she hadn't been near a man since the birth of her babies and didn't know how to re enter herself back into the life of sex. She knew that it felt right and so she placed her lips back on his. They kissed fiercely for what felt like a lifetime, they were unable to remove themselves from eachother. Serena could feel Nate's erection hardening from underneath his formal suit trousers, he hissed seductively when her hand reached for his erection.

She tugged at his trousers, trying to pull them off. Serena finally unzipped his trousers and threw them off with no care. He pulled Serena towards him and put his hands around her waist and started kissing her some more. Serena tugged at her dress and pulled it over her body where she lay exposed in her white lace panties and black corset. Nate felt something as well as desire when he stood looking at her and he felt his member harden more. Serena frantically started unbuttoning his shirt; Nate helped her take it off and he flung it somewhere randomly on the bedroom floor. They were both in their underwear, they looked at eachother. Taking in anything new about their bodies. Nate could see a few stretch marks at the bottom of her stomach and he smiled at them. With any other woman he probably would have hated them but those marks showed his babies, she was the mother of his children.

"Are you sure you want to do this Serena?" Nate asked when he raised his head from looking down at the stretch marks. Tracing them with his fingers and making her giggle slightly.

"Yes, you are the only man I want. I want you to make love to me," Serena said, taking his hands from her stomach and holding them in hers. She could tell he was a little nervous, weirdly in a good way. Nate hadn't been with a woman since Blair and that hadn't been very good at all. He was scared that his nerves would get the better of him, but he knew more than anything he wanted to have sex with this beautiful amazing woman in front of him; the woman he was in love with and loved him. The woman that completed him, the woman that was marked in his memory. Nate returned kissing Serena's neck; she moaned in utter most pleasure.

"Will you help me take this stupid thing off? Holly insisted that it would look better with my dress," Serena said with a smirk on her lips, turning around to show off her intricately laced black corset. Nate's fingers shakily fiddled with the lace as he tried and failed multiple times to untie it. Finally Nate managed to undo it and he pulled it off her. Her large breasts sprung out on show, exposed to him. He could see they were red and slightly swollen, she probably was still breastfeeding. He ran his hands gently over her breasts, kissing them for a while and then his hands wandered below and pulled down her La Perlas, whilst she pulled down his silk boxer shorts.

They both lay naked on the bed, desperately kissing one another. Nate put his hands around Serena's waist and lifted her towards him. He was so horny for her and she was equally horny for him. Nate kissed every inch of that amazing body, spending extra time licking and nipping her stretch marks. Nate lifted Serena and pulled her on top of him. He put his hands on her perfectly round ass cheeks, cupping and squeezing them. Serena pulled Nate up and sat on this lap, straddling him. They kissed each other with a deep hunger, each kiss filled with more emotion and becoming softer and sweeter. Serena ruffled Nate's growing blonde hair and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Are you alright?" Nate said.

"I want you to fuck me," Serena whispered in his ear, he loved that side to her; she had no idea how turned on he was. Serena lay back down, trying to adjust herself in a comfortable position. Serena reached for Nate's throbbing cock and guided it towards her hot centre.

It hurt a little when he pushed in, she had been told by her doctor that it would the first time. It would subside after a few moments and that was true, when Nate started to move it started to hurt less and less.

"Tell me if it hurts or if you want to stop ok," Nate said tenderly, he could feel the tightening and then her relaxing. That's when he decided to go a little harder and a little faster.

"No Nate, I don't want you to stop. Keep going and it'll get better. Trust me."

"I trust you but do you trust me?" Nate panted.

" yes I trust you Nate, I want you." Serena couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure as Nate thrusted harder inside of her. Nate lifted Serena's legs to his shoulders and she wrapped them tightly around his neck.

"Yes Nate!" Serena cried. "Harder." Serena and Nate kissed fiercely; they kissing like horny teenagers who couldn't get enough of the new found pleasure of sex.

They both rocked back and forth as Nate thrust faster inside of her; beads of sweat dripping down their bodies. Serena felt her body going higher and higher; it was as if she was flying away but with Nate with her. Her whole body spasmed and she felt something like never before. She was finally complete, there was no space left inside of her to fill. Nate had completed her. The high was so good that Serena's nails dug deep in Nate's naked back, he hissed with the pleasurable pain. He also felt himself on the way to an orgasm and he released himself inside of her.

For a while they just lay there, saying nothing and hearing nothing other than eachother after sex pants. Serena felt a smirk grow on her lips, Nate was already beaming like a Cheshire Cat. They both cuddled and embraced for a while, listening as the rain began beating on the window.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

White.

It was all white.

The ceiling, the walls, the floor, the bed. All white.

Someone sighed breathlessly after clearly a hard work out and then beeping could be heard.

" time of death, 12:01am."


	6. Beautifully Broken

He sat and waited by the window.

For days on end that's all he did.

He sat and waited by the large, barred-window for her but she never came to him.

The only person that ever came to him was Blair, she would come in his room at excactly 9am everyday and wouldn't leave until late at night. He knew who he was, he remembered everything about his past but a olive-skinned, white-eyed, dark-haired English woman danced through his dreams and nightmares. He didn't love her but Henry did, somewhere deep down that man still resided and in some moments, his worst of moments, he wanted to be him again.

Chuck Bass was back but not fully, he still felt half complete even with Blair by his side everyday and night. They wouldn't talk, they hadn't said one word to eachother. She would just sit there with a book or her phone, he could feel her eyes on him while he was _sleeping. _When she fell asleep, Chuck would study her lifeless form. Watch her inhaling and exhaling very deep breaths, laughing quietly everytime she talked in her sleep. Blair wouldn't admit it but she had full blown conversations with herself when she was in her deepest of summers.

Blair looked different, her hair was cut shorter than normal. It used to trail down her back but now it hit her shoulder blades sharply, her curls were straightened everyday. She had definitely lost weight, she wasn't that frail looking before his first accident. He liked her look better before. Blair was still extremely beautiful but not his Blair.

" Chuck if you stare at me any longer then your eyes are going to get stuck on my breasts and we wouldn't want that now, would we?" Blair popped one big brown eye open and for the first time they really looked at each other properly. " Hi, Bass."

" Hi, Waldorf." Chuck grumbled back, it was the first time in three days that he had spoken so his voice was weak and breaking.

" how are you doing today?" Blair asked as she yawned, pushing her body out unintentionally revealing her bra less body. It was 8:30pm so she had changed into her pyjamas, thick tartan ones he had never seen before. It must be a new wardrobe now that she was in full-time motherhood mode.

" Can we please stop the niceties and get to the real issue that you don't want me back on drink or drugs because my wife and child are both dead," Chuck informed her sourly. The pain of imagining his best friend and lover together and losing his new life making his voice sound bitter.

" I know more than anyone that your wife and child are dead, I was there yesterday holding you for support when we buried them. I've been here everyday when you have mourned them, I haven't left. I understand that you are hurting for multiple reasons so I'm asking you Chuck Bass, how are you doing today?" Blair asked again in a tone he had never heard before. It was stern and sincere at the same time.

" I'm as good as I could be," Chuck snapped but then decided to play nice until he could argue properly without this stupid fluttering feeling in his stomach that clearly was because of that damn plane crash. " thank you,"

" for what?" Blair inquired curiously, her doe brown eyes fluttering over his body. Taking in the bandages and bruises covering his body, he looked weak and small but Blair knew never to mess with a Bass or prepare to get severely burned.

" for being here, Serena hasn't come to see me and Nate shouldn't even bother because I wouldn't allow him in here but it's the thought that counts, right?" Chuck growled. Blair wished that the plane crash would make him forget the night she shared with Nate but it didn't so she has to deal with the consequences.

" I've talked to Serena, she went back to the city to see her twins and will come to see you when you are transferred to Lennox Hill. Don't be to hard on Nate, I've had this conversation so many times this past week but I will always say the same thing. It was a mistake, for both of us it was a mistake." Blair offered him a weak smile that he turned his head away from.

" you still did it, you still slept with my best friend when I was trying for us again. That night I was going to propose, Nate and Serena were coming at first and then I was going to propose when we came home. When they pulled out I was going to propose right there and then." Chuck revealed and Blair felt her heart fall. " we would order our dinner and drink wine or scotch for a while, a few minutes before we left I would pop the question."

" I didn't know, I was angry at my father and I ruined all our future plans. I'm sorry for anything and everything that I have done to hurt you." Blair apologised but Chuck couldn't take it anymore.

" I'm done with this song and dance, we tried and failed so let's be good for the kids but other than that I don't want you, why would I?" Chuck snarled and it hurt, it stung like a bitch.

" because you love me or at least I hope you do," Blair whispered, rubbing her eyes in fatigue and sadness.

" how could I love you after what you did to me?" Chuck shook his scarred head, not looking her in her eyes. " you broke me, you broke me good but I'm getting over it. Piece by piece I'm picking myself up and one day I'll truly be Chuck Bass but right now I'm a mixture between two men. I have to grieve my wife, I have to grieve my child."

" I broke you? Okay let's talk about all the times you fucking hurt me to the point I wanted to die." Blair was getting riled up, something that Chuck knew how to do perfectly. " you told me to get an abortion, I forgave you and allowed you in the children's lives. You kept a baby from me, I forgave you and I'm raising that child like he is my own. You tried to kill yourself, I forgave you and I'm hoping you will never do that again. You run and leave me to look after three babies by myself, I forgave you and I'm sitting here waiting for you to recognise that I'm not going anywhere."

" I have apologised for everything I've ever done to hurt you. We are past this, we have been past this for months and now you bring up the past just to have some leverage in our argument. Your sick Blair Waldorf, real sick." Chuck spat, Blair shook in her seat. The way he talked wasn't him, Chuck was soft with her even in his angriest of moments. This man wasn't her Chuck, the seconds she thought she saw him were fake. He was gone, forever.

" I'm not sick! I'm just sick of you and your stupid fucking games!" Blair spat back, she didn't sit back and let a man get the best of her. " I have three babies to look after but instead I'm stuck here with you moping around a wife that you didn't love and barely knew. I understand the baby and I'm sorry about the baby but please look at the people around you who need you. Serena isn't coming because she's scared of what to say to you, her brother tried to kill himself and she doesn't know what to do. Nate loves you, no matter how much you act like_ the dudes_ you love eachother. He wants to see you, to see that you are okay because he loves you. I've told him to not come because you haven't spoken to me and I didn't think you would talk to him."

" you are correct, you spread your legs for my best friend and he drove on that freeway willingly. I would never cheat on you, NEVER! The only woman I wanted to be with sexually and emotionally was you and you fucked him. I wanted you and only you but you clearly didn't want me if you opened your legs for him. I thought that if you ever got angry and needed some random mind-blowing fucking you would come to me." He shouted back, his voice echoing through the cold hospital room. Tears streamed down Blair's and he desperately wanted to wipe them away but for his own egoistic purposes he didn't. Why did she do it? Why did she ruin everything?

" I did it because it made me feel young and free. I was raising three newborns and everything with you was messed up and for a moment, that tiny moment nothing was there. All my nightmares were coming true, you were getting bored of me and it all felt so wrong. I was scared that you would up and leave me without a goodbye and then you do something so sweet by asking my father to come. I ruined that memory you had planned and then I ruined a year of our lives." Blair explained, wiping away the tears that kept falling; they refused to stop.

" so are we done? Is this it? I'll be a weekend father and we have nothing." Chuck said, hating the fact that she was crying. He was repeating words from a time that felt so different than this, it was a petty argument but this was a life changing decisions.

" we have a electrifying, intense thing. I want it and one day you'll want it was well, for now you can grieve and come to terms with what's happened." Blair whispered into her blanket that she was hugging up to her cheek, it was like that most nights. She would sit in the blue armchair and wait until he fell asleep before she would even try.

" I don't want to see you, not for a long while. It's like we are going around in circles. We get good then one of us breaks it off so I'm making it easy for you. Give me a few months, give me time to meet my kids and build a relationship with them. We can talk then." Chuck began to cry himself, shifting next to her and wiping her tears. He never cried, he never felt the need to cry. Chuck was lying in a hospital gown on that hospital bed crying, it was for multiple reasons. It was for Serena who didn't know what to say to him, it was for Nate who he loved as well, it was for Holly who Henry had loved and it was for his baby. He can't remember much about it but that he got told it was a girl. He called her his little Luna Holly, after his deceased sister Cassidy Luna. They were up there somewhere but he didn't know where, wherever they were they were there together. His tears were for his three other children, Milo who was a year old in four days and Henry who would probably be babbling away like his mother now. For Bailey who would have a curly mop of dark hair, he could still see his baby girl's dark eyes. Finally those tears were for Blair, the women he hated and loved at the same time. The woman that fucking confused him more than anyone.

" ever since that night we met at The Empire, those words you said to me keep coming back to haunt me. These past ten months I hated them and now I loathe them. ' I run from reality,' You ran when you promised me you wouldn't and to be honest I don't blame. I loathe those words now because I'm afraid they will be true again, that you'll leave my babies alone again." Blair sniffled, her shaking hand reached his dark ruffled hair. She moved a stray piece back from his forehead then lay her hands on his sharp jawline. Her fingers traced it lightly, feeling like feathers sweeping across his jaw.

" I'm not leaving, never again. It's me, you, my babies, Serena and my nieces for the rest of my life. If you're lucky I might add Nate in to the mix. Give me time and it'll sort itself out." Chuck chuckled, he placed his forehead against his softly. Their lips a breath apart, he could practically taste her strawberry lip balm.

" I would do anything for you," Blair wept, his breath warm on her wet with tears lips. She had cried so much that everywhere on her face was soaking, glistening in the white light of the hospital.

" and I would do anything for you, trust me I would." Chuck said, his large hands traced the Cupid bow of her lips. Taking her in, memorising her. Her hand was still cupping his jaw so he placed his hand on hers.

" I never doubted you and I never will. I trust you completely and wholeheartedly." Blair shuddered, her thumbs twisting with his on his desperate need for a shave face. The only feelings in the room was love and desperation. Love for eachother and their family, love for their little babies at home. Desperation to see those little babies and family, desperate for them to finally be a family that could last. That would be the only thing that mattered.

Blair tried to come in the room the next day but the nurse had said there was no visitors unless Chuck had allowed them. She tried again the day after but she still wasn't allowed, he had blocked her out completely.

Chuck was transferred back to a hospital in New York, recovering in the hospital for the last few days. Milo was turning one in two more days so he was trying to get well for him. He had refused to see Blair because it would have been too hard so he took the cowards way out. Being alone was the best for him but when he saw that cloud of blonde float past his window he seemed happy. He felt happy.

" Chuckie! I'm so happy, I can't believe you are back home. I've missed you so so so much and it's been agony not talking or seeing you properly. It's been too long, brother." Serena bubbled like her usual self and it made Chuck feel okay. Seeing Blair made him anxious and closed in but with Serena, you let all sense go.

" Serena, I know I'm absolutely bloody amazing and completely irresistible but this is a bit over the top even for me." Chuck said in a sarcastic loving tone. He was glad she was there, it was nice to have some normal human contact that wasn't a nurse or doctor.

" shut up brother and give your sister a hug." Serena giggled and then held her brother's body close. She had missed his scent of old scotch and cigars with a hint of mulled wine. " I've missed you so much."

" I've missed you too sis," Chuck replied, wearing the same grin as Serena. " how are my fabulous nieces? Have they had their first catwalk yet? We know any child of Serena Van Der Woodsen and Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald would be models before they could talk."

" the girls are as good as they could be, they are only eleven months old. They sleep, eat, play and poop, sometimes we might fit in a visit to the park. It's just the life of a mother, hopefully it'll get better the older they get. Three years and then maybe I met get some alone time and might be able to start work again." Serena laughed nervously, the happiness slowly pouring from her.

" you know you always have a job at Bass, we should have a temporary head of fashion right now but the job is yours when you are ready." Chuck offered weakly, tugging at the thin blanket covering his half naked body.

" Lily's taken over, she's the next in line when you aren't there. I've thought about taking it but maybe I'll wait until they are a year old. Not long now." Serena said, playing with one of her many golden bangles. It was a weird conversation, strained was an understatement.

" I can't believe I missed it all, she had to do it alone. All alone." Chuck sniffed, he couldn't meet Serena's eyes. They had know eachother for almost four years but still he never showed any emotion around her. Nate had seen his darker periods as well as his sister but Blair saw it all. The tears and anger, the way his eyes turned black with hate or lust. Blair knew everything about him.

" I should have been there as well, she was my best friend who made a stupid mistake but we are family. Blair had no one. Her parents aren't here, you were god knows where and me and Nate hadn't seen her in months. As a best friend and a mother I should have been there for my B." Serena sighed, she grabbed her brothers hand and squeezed it tightly. It didn't hurt but left him with more reassurance than before. " I can't believe this is our life. Three years ago, I would have laughed if you told me this would be my life. I'm a mommy with a getting there relationship. I have an amazing brother and a healing relationship with my best friend. I have never thanked you for the hotel opening,"

" it was the best night of my life, it was the moment I saw a girl I would never forget. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change that night. It would have been so much easier for all of us." Chuck admitted with a weak shake of his head, Serena's mouth dropped at his comment.

" how could you? Why in the hell would you even think that for even a moment?" Serena spat, her eyes tearing up but she was acting strong to get her point across. "Our lives are really hard to say the least and half the time complete shit but I would never change it. I have two beautiful baby girls at home and you have three children waiting for you. They have no father because you were selfish and tried to kill yourself!" The words just slipped out, the anger controlled her.

" I tried to kill myself because what have I got worth living for?!" Chuck snarled back, Serena stood up now shaking her head with disbelief at her once happy brother. Maybe he wasn't happy then. Maybe it was all for show but this wasn't her brother.

" one you have your kids. Two you have Blair." Serena counted. " three, you have me. I thought I would be enough to make you stay but you are so caught up with your own needs and worries that you never worry about me. I'm put on everyone's back burners until they find time to sort out my problems. I was your sister and I was pregnant by a random stranger and you never asked me once if I was okay. When we found out about us being twins, you left me alone and then got yourself in a car accidents. When we found out about Cassidy, you never asked me one how I was so forgive me if I'm done. I got cheated on, I have a broken family, I'm raising twins alone. I'm as fucked up as you but you don't care!"

" you don't speak to me, I need a sister." Chuck snapped, he had never seen his sister act like that before. It shocked him, bewildered him even.

" and in these past few months I needed my big brother but he never came for me." Serena practically whispered, her shaking hands rubbing at her blue eyes before the tears could fall. " I was happy once and I could be happy now. The days when we used to go out partying and drinking were fun but this is our life now. We are not those free teenagers anymore, we are parents."

" how can we move on?" Chuck rasped.

" I don't know but one day you will need to because I need my brother and those kids need their father. Don't do it for Blair or Nate or even the kids. Do it for me, for someone who will never leave you." She begged him, the look in her eyes pleading.

" I love you sis," Chuck smirked, Serena couldn't help but let out a small giggle between sobs.

" I love you too," Serena giggled, raising an eyebrow to tell him to move over and he did just that. She squished up next to him, resting her blonde locks on his chest.

" don't let anyone tell you your not strong because fuck me your strong, I'm not even as half as strong as you. Blair and Nate are up there but not like you." Chuck reassured her, she couldn't see his smile but got feel his jaw on the crown of her head.

" talk to her, let her back in. I've have seriously never seen someone so determined to find you." Serena eyes dropped, the warmth of her brother's body sending her into a familiar slumber.

" I can't break her anymore," Chuck stared at his sister's blonde hair, how he missed her. Just the smell of her honey shampoo made him smile at memories. The day their parents married or when they talked over the phone.

" she's already broken," Serena mumbled into her brother's hospital gown, her tears staining the blue material.

" beautifully broken,"

XOXOXOXOXOXO

" happy birthday to you..." Blair sang to her eldest son the morning of his first birthday. As she walked into the room she saw him standing up against his crib, showing his smile that only had two or three teeth.

" mama!" Milo squealed in delight, banging his tiny hands against the bar of his bed. Blair lifted him up to rest on her hip and held him close.

" now my little lion, we don't want to wake bubba and sisi. They are sleeping and I want my alone time with my biggest boy." Blair whispered into his tiny ear, he giggled playfully at the feel of warmth on his small neck.

" bubba sisi, nigh-nigh?" Milo asked sweetly, his big hazel eyes looking up at his mother. His mop of dark brown hair pressed against her almost bare chest. She had been pumping when she started to hear the bangs, worried ago it what was going on she only had time to put on her bra.

" yes, well done my big boy." Blair cooed at the fascinated child, rubbing the spit from his chin. " now, is my baba hungry, I thought so." Blair laughed when Milo was already going for his mother's breast through the bra.

" well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," a voice said from the background, Blair whipped around with Milo on her hip to see Chuck leaning on the doorframe. He was dressed in a grey suit with lilac accents, his hair gelled to perfection. Classic Chuck Bass.

" hi, what are you doing here?" Blair piped up, happy to see Chuck up and about after the crash.

" Blair um, your... um." Chuck stuttered, his eyes moved down to exposed breast. Milo was really going for his breakfast.

" oh sorry, Milo is starving." Blair laughed nervously, lifting up the side of her bra to cover her silky skin. " I know it's weird but can you please hold Milo when I wake up the twins? I don't want their schedule going to rubbish with the day already being so hectic."

" sure," Chuck croaked out, putting his arms out to hold the baby. Milo had grown up, his eyes were lighter than ever before. Not as blue as his mother but not as dark as his father's.

" booba!" Milo yelled, his little hazel eyes tearing up. Chuck didn't know what his son wanted, he hated not knowing his kids. He had tried everything not to be like his father but still he was excactly like that cruel man.

" he's hungry, he wants to my boob but I think he'll manage with a bottle. With Milo and Bailey getting so big I'm not making enough for them but Bailey had a fever a few days ago and I'm trying to bring up her immune system." Blair chuckled nervously, they shared nothing at the moment except for the kids so it was the only thing they could talk about. Blair looked down into the pastel pink crib to see two big brown eyes looking up at her, Bailey was happy lying there doing nothing. " well my baby girls awake, good morning sweetheart."

" she's gorgeous, looks just like you." Chuck gasped quietly when he saw his daughter. Her dark black hair had grown into thick untameable curls that had no set hairstyle. She looked an image of her mother, the big brown eyes matched the woman who had raised her so very well.

" thank you." Blair smiled at him, he looked happy which was a new thing for him recently. A smile spread on his sharp features when he saw Henry stand up against his crib, ready to be picked up. " my littlest prince is up, do you want to go to daddy?" Blair picked up Henry then turned to Chuck. " if you put Milo in the playmat then you can hold Henry for a few minutes. I'm going to feed Bailey."

" okay," Chuck nodded and did as she said, putting Milo on the playmat and holding his youngest son. He sat next to Milo on the playmat when Blair took the empty rocking chair to feed Bailey. " is there anything I can help with? You know with his birthday today, I can pay half for everything."

" well everything is done and paid for. I've been planning this tea party for ages, it's been the only thing on my agenda for weeks." Blair nodded while pulling her breast out for her daughter to feed. She was still sitting in a pair of silk shorts and a lacy bra. Blair hadn't intended or thought she would see Chuck that morning so she wasn't dressing for him.

" it was nice to drop in to see them, I've missed so much I thought I could help a bit today." Chuck replied. The conversation was strained but the babies made it easier. Milo stood up and toddled to Chuck with his purple car, specifically a toy limo that Blair had made for them when Chuck first went missing.

" well, I'm taking the kids to the park this morning for an hour. It would be nice if you come. We can feed the ducks, watch them play and I will even buy one of the donuts you like from that cheap stand. Serena is coming as well." Blair offered with a weak smile, Bailey sucking away at her sore breast. She knew she should stop feeding now but it was a special thing that they shared.

" is it hurting?" Chuck noticed her wince and felt a genuine concern for her. He didn't think he could feel empathy for someone who cheated on him and made him feel worthless but here he was asking if she was okay.

" nothing I can't take. So what do you say?" Blair asked again as she pulled up her bra to cover her nipple and placed Bailey by her feet. As soon as the little girl saw the purple limo, she crawled to Chuck and try grabbing it from his hand. In the end, Bailey was on his lap, Milo playing with his cuff links and Henry had a fascination with his hair. Three babies could really overpower adults.

" I'd say when are we going,"

XOXOXOXOXOXO

**_A/N: kind of a weird chapter, trying to fit in some blank spaces. Hope you are enjoying, read and review!!!_**


	7. Big Bad Bass

" do I have to?"

" stop being such a baby Bass and go in the sand. You are not going to have a heart attack if your Burberry's get the tiniest bit dirty. Milo's only one and he's getting stuck in like a proper champion." Blair huffed as she placed her petite bare feet in the baby sand pit. Watching in disbelief as Chuck stared at the small circle with complete disgust.

" I might die, do you know how much infection and bacteria is in there? You wouldn't want to know, I promise you," Chuck snapped sarcastically.

" come on Big Bad Bass, get in the kiddie sand pit without all this childish moaning!" Blair egged on and Chuck complied with a huge frown. He slowly sat in the sand pit with Henry on his lap and Milo next to him both with a small purple bucket and spade.

" I can feel the infection running through my veins. Promise me you will cry by my deathbed, my fortune is going to you and our children." Chuck nodded as if he was confirming a silent question, Blair just rolled her doe eyes at him.

" you are not going to die, it's just a tiny bit of sand that's cleaned out every night by my request. The bacteria is non-existent, get your hands dirty!" Blair giggled, grabbing his hands and sticking it into the pile of sand Bailey was building with her little purple spade.

" I like getting my hands dirty but not like this," Chuck drawled, his eyes meeting hers. It was a comfortable minute, a minute that felt so familiar until Blair faked coughed and turned back to Bailey. " how are they? Tell me a bit about them."

" well, our little one-year-old boy loves everything about anything. He loves the bath, singing or whatever that is and doing his baby dancing, playing with the twins. Milo loves everything. He's such a happy little boy. Henry is quiet, he said his first word and a few since then but he likes to be in his own space. He sleeps like a brick, a bit like you. His favourite thing to do is draw on this baby drawing pad I bought for him." Blair smiled at him, he smiled back. Chuck loved hearing about the kids, it had been so long since he had seen them and now they had their own little personalities and ways in life.

" what was his first word?" Chuck asked, his eyes connecting with hers again.

" sisi. He loves Bailey and so does Milo. They have this protective thing over her, we went to a mommy and me class when they were around seven months and there was this baby boy there. They would not allow her near him even at an age they couldn't crawl." Blair giggled, rubbing Milo's back gently. He didn't need his back rubbed, it was just for her comfort in an uncomfortable situation.

" I'm glad they follow after their father's heart, Bailey will not be dating until I die. I will not deal with any boys in my house or anywhere near my little girl." Chuck added, helping Henry fill the purple bucket with the immaculate sand. " just Bailey now?"

" She's harder to decipher, she's not an open book like the other two. Sometimes she's bubbly and then sometimes she's so shy. Bailey Harriet is living up to her grandfather's name, beautifully shown with a deeper meaning." Blair said, their eye contact hadn't broken. They were reconnecting mentally after being so apart for so long.

" Blair, she's eleven months old. Her personality will be blossoming before we even know it." Chuck laughed, the first genuine laugh in a while.

" I love hearing you laugh," Blair sighed.

" it's been a while," Chuck disclosed, grabbing the diaper bag and then the wipes to wash off the sand Henry had tried to consume.

" now that's not true, is it? When I saw you in the bar you laughed." Blair divulged. "don't you remember?"

" it's funny that that is the only memory that is clear throughout the last few months. I can remember Holly telling me she was pregnant and then finding out the gender. Unconsciously I want to forget her but I remember the things I want to remember." Chuck coughed, finally breaking the lustful eye contact.

" I may hate it but she is a part of your past. Holly will always be apart of you but I know deep down I'm a part of you too. I'm hating letting you mourn her but it's the right thing to do." Blair nodded, she placed her hand over his. They were both covered in sand but didn't care.

" it's weird. I can't mourn her. As someone who was my wife, a mother to one of my army of children and I spent almost a year with her, I should be mourning her. I can barely remember the months," Chuck sniffed, trying to hide his emotions but Blair could see right through him.

" it's okay for you to fall in love without me." Blair stated.

" I did love her but I don't love her." Chuck replied. "Henry loved her and once I was him, a week ago I was him but I'm not him now. I'm Chuck Bass."

" and you will always be Chuck Bass," Blair smiled, Chuck chuckled at the familiar catchphrase.

" were you happy?" Chuck asked bluntly, the look of lust in his hazel eyes turning to fear.

" what?" Blair questioned in confusion. Sometimes Chuck could be so hidden but then so open. He always comes out with something but you never know what he means. One of the things that Blair hated and loved about him.

" were you happy when I left?" Chuck asked again, his eyes remained painted in fear. This was a look she had only seen once on him, when she had given birth.

" I can't remember a night I didn't cry myself to sleep. I felt cold and alone but I couldn't help but think what could have been. The happiness that we could of had." Blair answered him, she rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand. A actions that was so loving and comforting that it made him flinch.

" this is the only happiness I will ever need. I've got a son that's one today, that's amazing." Chuck said, he picked up Milo and sat him on his lap. Milo looked at him and everything seem to stop for Chuck. It was just him and his little family.

" B! Chuck!" Serena screamed as she pushed a double stroller into the sand pit area, Nate strolling casually behind her with his hands in his suit pockets. It was the first time Chuck and Nate had seen eachother and it was going to be _very _awkward.

" Hey, S! Come and play with me, I'm trying to build a castle but Mr Perfection won't get his hand dirty." Blair chirped standing up and brushing the sand off her skirt. She went over to the stroller to see her little nieces, they still looked excactly like their parents. Blonde and beautiful while the Bass children were dark and dazzling.

" Hey Blair," Nate nodded at her then turned to a very mysteriously quiet Chuck. " Good to see you, Chuck." He nodded again before turning back the the double stroller to pick up Lia and Nia.

" wish I could say the same," Chuck mumbled barely above a whisper but they all heard him. No one wanted to ruin the day so they said nothing more about _that _situation.

They all sat and watched the children playing, Serena and Blair chatted like the mother's they were. Chuck loved seeing his children and nieces play together because he never got that when he was younger, he was always alone. They all had eachother like at one point Chuck had Nate and Nate had Chuck.

" this is so sweet." Blair swooned over the scene, grabbing her phone from her new Hilde Palladino handbag. She brought the camera up to the children and took millions of photos so they could all remember the day.

" B! We've got to get in on the picture, we are looking particularly fabulous today." Serena giggled, moving her position on the sand to be next to Milo and Celia. Blair sat with Cornelia on her lap and Henry and Bailey by her side.

" I do look fabulous today. I'm glad you noticed my new purple high heels, I bought them especially for today and I was waiting on the compliment." Blair looked at Serena from underneath her lashes with a playful grin. " Chuck can you take it for us?"

" sure," Chuck couldn't say no to Blair, especially with that grin and those big brown eyes. He took the photo and was requested to take _many many _more.

" hi!" Serena shouted to one of the gossiping mothers that was helping her blonde daughter on the swings. " can you take a picture of all of us please?" Serena gave that barbie doll smile that could turn a gay man straight. The woman nodded and took the phone straight away. Chuck kneeled behind the women, his arms draping over their shoulders. Nate pulled Serena's spare arm over his head so he was just popping out from behind her. This would be a photo the children would be shown on a daily basis as they got older and older. " thank you," the woman nodded before walking back to her daughter.

" well happy birthday little man," Nate chuckled, his hands ruffling Milo's tuff of dark brown hair. So dark that it made him look more like his biological mother than anything else on his tiny baby body. He was a replica of his father but still those light hazel eyes and that dark hair sometimes showed more Georgina than anyone would really like.

" I can't believe it, my nephew is one. I can remember the day he was born, it was a day I wouldn't think I would see but here we are celebrating his first birthday." Serena burst the quiet bubble, Blair just shook her head in disbelief.

" I can't believe it either, my baby boy is growing up." Blair gushed, looking down at the little boy she had been raising for a year. Of course she was absolutely fucking tired but the smile on her son's face made it all worth it. Her family being brought together made it worth it, seeing Milo grow made her want the years to go slower. Every moment a little longer than the last, every memory more vibrant.

" it makes you think how we would have been if we didn't have our kids. I mean, my life is in literal shambles but it has a form for the future. As a 26-year-old I had no plan, nothing solid or I could build a life out of it. Now i'm 28 with two beautiful daughters," Nate said, his face unreadable. He sighed but said nothing more. The silence continued for five minutes before Blair broke into laughter. The type of laughter that hurts you stomach, the babies found it funny and all joined in with their little baby giggles.

" hey! Nothing's funny about it," Serena shouted with a smirk, Blair had the sweetest laugh. It was infectious excactly like the small giggle Bailey sported.

" it is." Blair added. " if I didn't go that night then I would probably be the top lawyer in my own firm, married to whoever my mother thought was suitable for me and my image. Maybe with a planned baby on the way. I would in the end meet Chuck because I would see Nate again because we run in the same circles. It's a mystery how we never met sooner. We were always around the same people."

" I would be living the single life, still modelling my ass off but having fun. I wouldn't have stretch marks plastering my body and definitely wouldn't have that huge scar across my stomach. I would be gorgeous," Serena scoffed, tracing the line of her scar through her dress. Sometimes she hated it, sometimes she loved it. It was _that _sort of relationship.

" excuse me! You are bloody gorgeous, you are like sunshine barbie met Jennifer Anniston gorgeous. I'm more like Kristen Stewart meets the grinch." Blair laughed again, holding her stomach that was straining with her continuous laughing.

" that's a lie! You are amazing!" Serena yelled, startling a few of the other parents. They all just smiled weakly at the gawkers and moved back to their conversation.

" I know darling, I'm absolutely fabulous!" Blair giggled, leaning on Serena's shoulder. It was a moment. A small moment of happiness. Then Bailey began to tug at her mother's dress, a sign that food was expected right at that very moment. " it seems as if my babies are hungry, time for a feeding." She snatched up Bailey, resting the baby on her slightly wider hip. Blair picked up Henry and held him on the other hip. Milo had his harness so he toddled along next to them, Blair holding tightly on the rope.

" well Lia and Nia need to be fed before my boobs burst so I'm off, be back in five." Serena grinned before following in the direction her brunette best friend just went with two babies carefully in her grasp.

The two men sat in silence, a painful silence that felt entirely too uncomfortable. For people who used to be the best of friends, this was way too awkward. The men pulled out their iPhones and looked through the photos of that day. They all looked so happy that it scared Nate.

He has ruined any sort of relationship they had, it used to be great. Two best friends who got high and drunk together with no care for anyone other than eachother and family. Then the women came into their lives and they grew apart. Maybe for the best but it still stung like a bitch. They grew from best mates to acquaintances before they could even stop and notice it was happening.

" how are you? After the accident and stuff." Nate coughed as he looked up from his phone, finally breaking the awkward air between them.

" stuff? Nathaniel, I thought you could do better than that. Fucking my children's mother isn't stuff." Chuck scoffed, shaking his head before returning to his phone.

" man, it wasn't like that. We were drunk and it just happened. We didn't mean to hurt anybody." Nate pleaded with his baby blue eyes, he was getting nowhere as Chuck hadn't even looked up since his first comment.

" You slept with her, got what you wanted because you were heartbroken over my own sister. One, you fucked with my sister so don't even bother to try and make things right. Two, you messed with my family, my children. Don't try to make something better when it's completely unfixable. I could kill you for what you've done to my family." Chuck spat, for a brief moment his eyes flicked from his phone but quickly retreated back to some photos of Blair's pregnancy.

" sometimes I think you forget that I was practically engaged to Blair for a very long time, if we think about it technically then you stole Blair from me." Nate snarled, he didn't really love Blair like that anymore. He just wanted to wind up Chuck, when Chuck was mad he finally talked and you got somewhere with him.

" so your still in love with her?" Chuck shuddered. Every type of emotion running through his veins like acid. He burned, every inch of him was on fire.

" I love her but not like that," Nate assured him, shuffling over on the outside of the wooden sandpit to be closer to Chuck.

" Why did you do it? Out of all the women out there, you picked the woman I plan on marrying. I plan on spending the rest of my life with this woman, she's the one. " Chuck softened slightly, he finally looked up but not at his former best friend. He just stared at the bathroom the women had just entered to feed and change their children.

" we never planned it, we never wanted to do it but we just did. On some level me and Blair understand eachother, we both got it on with a Bass and kept getting burned. Serena never means to hurt but she can tug at your heart to the point of no return. Blair was telling me how she loved you, how she wished it would all go away and it was just you and the kids." Nate faltered, he couldn't read his best friend in the moment. Chuck Bass was a difficult person but Nate thought he had him read. Nate never had to deal with Chuck Bass in love so he was a completely different man now.

" we can't ask for things that won't come true." Chuck said monotonously. " you guys having sex happened, we have to deal with it now before we lose everything we have fought for for so long. I love Blair, you love Serena. Why does it have to be as difficult as we make it?"

" I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Blair's changed Chuck. She's a mother now, her whole life is those kids and I don't think she'd be able to fit in the time to mess around like you were. I'm not being a dick, I'm not trying to hurt you but before you try anything with her. Just remember that it affects more than one person if it all fails. Be a dad to those kids and when you are certain this is forever, make your move." Nate patted his back, squeezing gently on his shoulder for support.

" I can see she's different now, I thought she would never change." Chuck squeezed the bridge of his nose, rubbing his face roughly with his large hands.

" Blair hasn't changed, she's just grown up. If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back." Nate coached, his cheeky childish smirk forming on his muscular features.

" when did you get so smart?" Chuck wondered.

" it happened between meeting Serena and becoming a father. We grew up." Nate sighed then continued. "Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? When Serena told me she was pregnant, I was insanely scared. I thought that you would be there for Blair and Serena but you weren't. That didn't make you any weaker, it made you braver because instead of lying and saying your fine like I did, you told the truth. I knew I'd miss you the moment you left. We've been best friends for so long that I can't remember a day without you. I never forget a thing that we did together, I could recall any remember in detail every memory if you asked me about it. We can go back, right?"

" I don't know Nate. Forgiving you will be easy because I've already done it when I forgave Blair. But forgetting what you did together, that's a whole different story. That's my woman, man." Chuck gulped, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.

" I get it," the conversation fell silent again, the haggard breathing of the men finally slowed then the women and the babies came back. Milo was toddling on his harness and Bailey was having a go at walking but failing terribly. Henry loved his mother's arm too much and the blonde twins, well they were almost as lazy as their parents.

" we're back boys, we had some hungry babies." Serena bubbled, her natural bubbly aura lightening the tense mood.

" what do you say we go get some lunch then head home to set up the party?" Blair suggested, picking up Bailey who was truly not bothering walking anymore.

" good idea, I'm starved." Nate chuckled, picking up Lia to tickle stomach. Nia felt jealous so she jumped on his knees too.

" come on," Chuck added.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Blair was lying in the bath tub, trying to wash away all of her worrying thoughts. She had finally gotten Chuck back, maybe not fully but he was coming back to her. Every second she worried that he would forget, he would leave them again and she would be alone. It was time for Chuck to be a father to his children, a brother to his sister, an uncle to his nieces and a best friend to Nate. It was time for him to come home to a place where he had an entire family waiting for him.

It was weird, it was all so weird. She had never felt this type of love before and it was painful, like really painful. Yet she still didn't want to let go, Blair Waldorf loved Chuck Bass with no fear. Everything he was, she was. They were together forever even as cheesy as that sounded, there were inseparable.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a small cry on the baby monitor, she sighed and started to get out of the tub until she heard Chuck's voice._ " Don't worry B, I'm getting him." _

Blair was confused, Chuck had left an hour ago after they all had lunch together. He and the other weren't due back for another two hours but still he came back. She smiled to herself, he always knew the best times to pop up with a surprise for her.

She heard the sharp click of shoes on her wooden bedroom floor then Chuck's voice. It was so low and soft that she couldn't work out what he was saying but it must have been good because there was a small chuckle every few seconds. Blair finished up her bath routine and got out of the tub. She grabbed a thick robe quickly and practically danced out to him.

" good afternoon, Mr Bass." Blair welcomed him with her most formal of voices, Chuck rolled those hazel eyes playfully. " what can I do for you?"

" Well Miss Waldorf, I wanted to talk before everyone got here. Just me and you." Chuck nodded, as if to confirm it to himself more than her.

" of course, let me go put our birthday boy back down for the last half hour of his nap then we can talk." Blair smiled at the sleeping baby and left the room with his tiny form cradled in her arms.

Chuck sat there doing nothing. He wasn't moving, he wasn't speaking and he wasn't thinking. It was the first time in a while that he could just sit there. He looked around the room and noticed how nothing had changed in Blair's bedroom.

The walls were a beautiful shade of sage green, matching the thick knitted throw on the queen sized bed. A large photo of Audrey Hepburn used to hang on there but it was now replaced with a huge canvas of the triplets when they were all under around 2 months. All the furniture was white including the changing table residing in the corner. All the cribs had been moved from the bedroom but still it looked like a baby exploded over the room. From the toys to the numerous amount of photos that graced every surface possible.

On the white nightstand there was a photo of Serena and Blair when they were around 21. It was just after the law suit. They were standing on a raining beach in neon yellow and pink cover ups over matching neon swim suits. Their dark and light hair mingled creating a deep contrast between the two barely adults. The moon and the sun. A winter and a summer. Cold and hot.

Next to that photo stood another of Nate and Blair when they were first dating. It made Chuck's stomach turn, he physically felt sick then he reasoned with himself. They were together before they ever were, the photos old and so is their relationship. Nate stood in front of what he could guess was their university, Blair arms were wrapped around his waist. Smiles hugged their features and for the first time, Chuck saw a really young Blair. Her hair was lighter and longer but she had only recently cut it off. Chuck could see Blair had aged gracefully around her mouth and eyes, she still could pass for a twenty year old.

There were only two more pictures. Chuck grinned when he saw the photo of when Blair was pregnant with a little blueberry against her flat stomach. It was the day he had apologised after he had found out about the pregnancy. The last photo of was of Chuck and Milo. The day Milo was born they had taken a photo of the tiny baby, his dark hair peeping though the blue baby hat.

" hey..." Blair alerted him from his thoughts, she stood infront of him still wrapped in the robe. " what'd you wanna talk about?" She was shaking, partly from her nakedness except the robe and partly from her nervousness.

" I don't know really. I thought we were done, I was done when I told you at the hospital then I came home. I saw my kids and I saw you like really saw you. You did wrong and I can forgive that because look at the fucking shit I've done over our time together." Chuck rasped, his voice deep and husky. Blair saw the pain in his eyes then he hid it like he always did.

" I'm over that, you know I'm over that." Blair replied quickly, waiting for no room to stall.

" I know,"

" then what's all this talking for. We have hurt eachother so bad but we are ready for this. It's the right time for us to be together, we can finally do this right." Blair said with sympathy in her eyes, she sat next to him and held his hand.

" I'm ready, I've been ready. Even though it may have ended on bad terms, it doesn't mean that there is still not hope for it starting again. We can do good this time, we can be beautifully broken together." Chuck smiled, he pulled her in for an embrace. They sat there and held eachother, their tears mixing together.

" god, I've missed you so much." Blair sobbed quietly into his shoulder, making sure not to leave tears marks on his suit that probably cost thousands of dollars. " I've missed the way you smile when I kiss your nose," and she did just that, leaving a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose.

" I missed the way you laugh when I lick behind your ear even though you love it." Chuck said. Blair hated when he brought that up and he knew it.

" hey!" She slapped his arm playfully, careful not to add to much force as his arms were still healing. " it's not as funny as when you practically growl when my hand hits your stomach."

" okay, okay. We are both as bad as eachother." Chuck said slightly defeated, raising his hands above his head like a mock criminal. " so what are eating? I may have eaten an hour ago but I'm still starving. It must be my body unconsciously telling me that it's time to get a dad bod"

" you get a dad bod and I will kill you or myself. Anyway, I'll eat anything I'm starving but I think I will go for the salad. Trying to be healthy for my babies and maybe lose a few pounds. " Blair chuckled underneath her breath, partially covering up her confession about losing weight. It had been a touchy subject since Blair's last relapse.

" but Blair what about that amazing ass of yours? How will I live without it? " Blair laughed and he let out a small chuckle that indicated that the situation was fine to talk about.

" You will have to live without it, mama wants to get back in her skirts " Blair smiled at him, gazing into each other's broken eyes. Inside they were screaming I love you but on the outside, they were being strong for the triplets. Blair's tiny feet playing with his huge feet, she wanted to go and kiss him but she couldn't move." so how are you? I know I keep asking you but you were in a serious accident and you are the father of all my clan full of children."

" I'm fine, you? " Chuck threw back the question abruptly.

" fine"

Blair was holding back tears, the man she loved was sitting there and she couldn't find any words to say to him. She was speechless and so was he.

" I can't do this Chuck " Blair practically whispered, her voice barely louder than howling of the lightest of winds.

" do what? " Chuck asked confused. They were doing good a moment ago, they had agreed it was time for them to get back together and live a normal family life. What couldn't she do?

" act as if everything is okay, it's not. We have a broken relationship but we are sitting here playing happy family. We aren't a happy family and I'm tired of acting like I'm fine. I'm hurting, my relationship ended a while back and I cut of those feelings. I cut off every emotion that was linked back to you so I can focus on our babies. When you were gone, I was stalked and pressed by every type of paparazzi. At one pint I had to move into one of the Empire suites just to get away from the mountain of people waiting outside my door. I'm tired of pretending like everything is okay for magazines and family once I'm dying inside. I'm not okay. Not at all and you can stop this charade, you just want to get in my pants which I'm not letting you do. It's my pride I'm protecting." Blair mumbled quickly, having to stop a few times to catch her breaking breath.

" Blair I'm not here for that, I'm here for you. It's time for me and you to finish what we started. I want to marry you and I want another baby and I want to raise our children together as a team. I don't want to hurt you or our babies. I love you " he said those words. Those words that were sacred to them, they weren't just passed around easily or in conversation for fun.

" I love you too, always but we know it's not good for the babies to be around the fighting. I just want the babies to be happy even if it stops our happiness. Seeing them happy is what will make me happy. Once we are arguing I turn into this person I don't want to be, I become a monster and I stop being a mother. " Blair explained to him, her voice still not above a whisper. She loved him and that was probably the only thing she could be certain on. Everything else was a mess but their love was simple.

Tears start to well in her eyes but she quickly shakes her head and wipes them away. Blair looks at him with no guard, her eyes are vulnerable and her hands shaking from the nervousness.

" I know Blair, I don't want to become that man who ruined lives and hurt people again. I want to be the man who loves his family more than anything. Bailey, Milo and Henry are the most important thing here and they will hate us for separating so it's best for all of us to stay together. We aren't doing it for the children though, we are doing this for us." Chuck tried and it seemed to break through to Blair. Her silence said more than words, a long 60 seconds later she was talking again.

" I never knew that loving someone could hurt so much. With Nate, everything came to an end eventually which didn't surprise me but with you I thought you were my forever. It felt like you were my forever and it still does. Be my forever." Blair begged, her eyes were hoping for him. Their minds seemed to connect and they were thinking the excact same thing.

" forever only lasts so long, I want to be your always. I want to be that person who gives you another child, I want to be the person that makes love to you. I want to be the person who holds your hand when things get tough. I want to be the person that is at the end of that isle waiting for my beautiful bride to walk down." Chuck recited what probably had been twirling around in his mind for the past few hours.

" You must be so disappointed in me. I slept with Nate and broke our family apart so soon after the babies." Blair raised her head so her eyes could meet his. As always they did and a deeper connection started. Ever since that night where the babies were conceived, looking into each others eyes were something they did that made everything make sense.

" I will never be disappointed in you, you are raising my children amazingly. I couldn't ask for a better baby mama " Chuck spoke softly. His big hands reached out slowly and cupped her chin, lifting her head to look directly at him.

Blair let out a small laugh, she lifted up her hand and put it on his. She needed his touch, the warmth he always let of but he was cold. She wasn't the Chuck she remembered, these weeks had changed him. He was a comfortable kind of cold, he was a happy winters day.

" I'm yours " she smirked " for the rest of our lives. It's me and you and those babies. I know it's going to take a long time for you to forgive me but i'm going to wait for you because it's the least you deserve. I'm going to be there on your birthday when things get tough. Im going to be there when our daughter has her first boyfriend. Im going to be there when we go back to our friendships. Im going to be there when it's your time to go, even if that's in spirit and not just in form. I love you, Bass."

" I love you too, future Bass."


	8. Everything Changes

The party came and went almost as quick as it crept up on the family. Milo was one and in only two days all four of the Bass and Archibald children would be one. It had been a full one year and seven months since they all met.

Chuck had slept over at Blair's since the party which surprised the both of them since Blair was waiting on him to ask her to move in and Chuck wanted to ask her but it wasn't really the time for meaningful conversations. The last week and half had been fun and new, completely different to their previous attempts. The days consisted of the children, they never had alone time and sex was off limits. It wasn't the normal way they did things so that's excactly why it would work.

They were lying in Blair's bed, currently also homing Chuck, she was spred across him while he played with her hair. It was homely, warm and loving. They didn't speak, just listened to the breathing of the children on the monitor. The monitor now consisted of a camera too since Milo had decided climbing out of his crib was his new favourite thing to do.

" Blair" Chuck whispered into her deep brown curls, his heavy eyes not even budging open. The air was either warm or he was tired but his eyes wouldn't open. Blair felt the same but she knew that the comfort was keeping them closed, not the air.

" hmmm," was the only thing that Blair managed to grumble out but Chuck took it as a yes.

" do you want to go out on a date? me and you? You and me? It could be fun to do something without the kids." Chuck suggested while playing with a strand of her hair. She lifted her head, slightly shocked. Chuck never instigated things, it was always Blair who did.

" stop acting so worried. Of course." Blair assured him, her head resting on his bare hairy chest. She never liked a man with chest hairs but she had found a new love in them when she had met Chuck.

" I'm not worried, trust me. It's just our real first date after the babies." Chuck said. His breathing becoming more and more steadying as he woke up from their peaceful sleep.

" and I feel the same way as I did before the babies. I loved you then and I love you now. Maybe more." Blair winked at him. She pressed her lips gently against his chest, leaving a light lip gloss mark. She didn't realise at how little action had Chuck turned on. It had been almost eleven months since he had sex with Blair. No. Since he made love to Blair. Having sex with another person never compared to when he made love toBlair. " Chuck, we have put sex off limits for the time being but there are other things we can do. I won't stop you." Blair smirked at how fast he moved at that, her brown eyes instantly connecting with his hazel.

His mouth came crashing down on hers almost violently. She moaned into his parted lips then his tongue slipped in. It was passionate to the point where it seemed almost painful. His lips moved down her neck. Sucking. Biting. Kissing. Marking her as his and his alone. He reached that sweet spot that only he knew about, he was the one who found it in the first place.

" You have made it so fucking hard. I want to just lift you up and fuck you so hard that you will only ever want me. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Chuck huskily mumbled into her ear, she became increasingly wet to his words that jumbled in her mind. " answer me." He said demandingly. " you want me to fuck you hard, mark you as mine, don't you?"

" so badly," she mumbled as he continued his journey down her yellow baby doll slip. All she could hear was the tear of her pyjamas then the feel of his tongue on one straining pink bud.

" say it Blair, say it and I will." Chuck sucked harder at her nipple, making her body arch into him. He could feel the strain in his pants, if he didn't bury himself inside her slick folds soon then he might explode in his purple silk pyjamas right there and then.

" but we can't have that, we made a vow to wait for the right moment to come." Blair gasped as his fingers found her other hard nipple. The warm pit in her stomach grew, her insides fluttered as if butterflies were flying around but there were always butterflies when she was with Chuck.

" fuck the vow, I need you now." Chuck continued his trail down to her stomach where he noticed a change. There were a group of barely-there stretch marks. Instead of feeling disgusted at them like he was before on any other women, he felt a sort of pride. That was his making, that is where two of his babies cooked for eight months.

" I knew they were bad," Blair attempted to cover herself up but Chuck grasped hers wrists. He placed two gently kisses against each of her wrist, right around where her pulse erratically beated.

" this is where my babies grew." He kissed one group of white marks underneath her sore breast, " this is definitely our little Bailey, she always loved her mommy's food." His mouth fell lower to a group just underneath her belly button. " this is Henry, he was the lowest one. I remember from the ultrasounds." His last destination was the slight stomach left from carrying the babies. " my babies were here. I'm glad they left their mark."

" I'm not," Blair scoffed.

" I made these marks. I don't want these gone. Ever." Chuck asserted with his usual amount of confidence.

" Chuck..." Blair began to argue back but Chuck cut in.

" I don't want these gone. I made them, they are my marks. You don't understand how turned on I am by looking at these. Those are my marks so your body is mine." Chuck licked from her naval done to her aching core.

" Chuck, please." Blair moaned into the air, her hands pulling aggressively at his dark hair. She was pulling at clumps and clumps but the pain quickly turned into pleasure. " fuck me. Please fuck me."

" I can't do that," Chuck chuckled into her core, the vibration sending a shoot of electricity throughout her entire body.

" then let me fuck you," Blair found her confidence as she always did in sex, it always just took some time for her to get comfortable but when she did it was the best sex of anyone's lives. Especially his.

She pulled at his hair, pulling him up until his mouth was hovering over hers. She left a sharp painful kiss which made both of their lips swell with pleasure. From there; she turned his body over so she was straddling him. Her legs over a very sensitive area that made him hiss everytime she almost touched it. Her lips travelled down his neck, to his nipples where she played with them for a moment until carrying on. In a hurry she pulled his pyjamas down and then his 'obviously' silk pants to release his throbbing erection.

" Blair," he hissed as her lips took in his head, slowly pulling him deeper in.

Blair carried on. She took him deeper, her tongue coming out to play. As he was close to the edge, she had a sudden thought. Blair was meant to meet Serena for brunch and thinking about it she probably was about twenty minutes behind her schedule.

" fuck! Serena!" Blair yelled as she stood up abruptly. She played with her slip, making sure everything was covered so she could go feed the babies before having to leave.

" baby as much as I love hearing obscenities coming from that gorgeous mouth of yours, I'm not Serena. You may have the wrong twin." Chuck smirked, trying hard to hide his annoyance that she left him so close to him coming loose.

" no, it's definitely meant to be this Bass. I'm meant to be meeting Serena for brunch. I completely forgot, too caught up with our activities." Blair rushed to the closet, pulling out the outfit she had planned the night before. It was a simple loose strapless yellow blouse that was only held up by a gold necklace attached to the thin piece of material. A pair of tight white pants matched and white pumps finished off the outfit. Of course she had matched Chuck with her, a completely white suit except for a pale yellow dickie bow was waiting in the wardrobe for him.

" I won't keep you then," Chuck moaned like a child. He sulked back into the mountain of sage green pillows with a very visible problem.

" I'm sorry Bass but you promised me that the kids were yours today and you also promised me that while me and your sister have breakfast, you would meet up with Nate and your nieces. Don't break your promise." Blair playfully pouted as she slipped on her new panties and bra, a seductive yellow. Most people wouldn't find yellow that seductive, Blair thought they were more cute but Chuck Bass found every piece of her underwear seductive. It might be his heart that felt that way or she was a true goddess. He would believe the latter.

" I would never imagine breaking my promise." Chuck sighed as he watched her. A light pink broke out over her skin and Chuck couldn't help but feel joyful at how nervous he could make her. The powerful sexy goddess she was could be turned to a shy little girl so easily.

" then we won't be in this position again. We came to close to sleeping together and we made a promise that we would wait until the time was truly right. I want the first time we sleep together again to be special, I want it to be amazing. Rushed on a lazy Saturday is not that." Blair leaned in to kiss him again, as if to seal the deal. He tried to deepen it but she kept it sweet. " Chuck..."

" okay, we will have the perfect sex when the time comes. Now go before my sister kills you. I have to get the babies ready to go and meet Nate. A day with my three teething babies, two teething nieces and my ex-best friend sounds like an amazing plan." Chuck sarcastically joked as he stood up, pulling up the silk pyjama bottoms that Blair had only just pulled down.

" don't be like that. Serena is trying with me so please try with him. It's going to be hard but our little group needs to get back together for the kids. Do it for me." She batted her eyelashes seductively and well, he couldn't say no.

" I'll try but don't expect us to go back to those pot-smoking teenagers with no worries." Chuck smirked knowing that the pot smoking joke would start her off.

" you will never smoke weed again. You are with a family man now and drugs aren't allowed." Blair chastised. She pulled out large thick white hoop earrings, she pierced her ears with determination that was usually used to shout at him when he made stupid jokes.

" the only drug I need is you, I could take you everyday and I still would never bore of you."

" maybe you need to go to rehab. It's bad to need something as bad as you need me." Blair purred into his ear, sending a tingling sensation through his stiff spine.

" I love this addiction. I need you." He purred back, his hazel eyes becoming hooded as the conversation heated back up to the previous level.

" it's becoming increasingly alarming how much you need me, it's kind of a turn on knowing that you need me so very much." Blair whispered into his ear before licking the shell, either the room was very hot or it's just something that Blair did to him but he was on fire.

" but do you need me? Does it make you sick when I'm away? Do your joints ache to have me kiss them better? Do you have terrible dreams that only I can make better?" Chuck drawled on and on. It became clear that these were all signs to an actual drug withdrawal but why did she still feel these things? Her stomach can't hold down food when he's gone for too long, the worry takes over. She aches for him, her entire body aches for him until he kisses her. Her dreams are awful, they are more nightmares than anything else. " all these things happen to me when your gone, I can't live without you."

" me neither, you are my person." Blair smiled at him that sweet innocent smile that had no hint of lust in it. It was just complete happiness.

" and you are mi..." Chuck was going to continue but then a beep came from her phone. She ignored it and waited for him to carry on. " you are my per..." another beep from her phone made him jump, making him unable to finish. " go before my sister kills you. I love you."

" I love you too, have a nice day honey." Blair beamed as she walked out of the sanctuary of their bedroom. Partly from the fact that everything with Chuck was going so well, partly from the fact that she was finally getting some mommy time. Yes!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

" B! Where have you been? I've been sitting here for the last thirty minutes waiting for you. I only get a one hour more of mommy time and I'm not wasting it on waiting." Serena reprimanded as soon as Blair walked up to the table waiting at their favourite place for brunch, Maison Kayser.

" don't worry, I'm here now. Me and Chuck lost track of time but we still have an hour and if it goes well with the boys then we'll have longer." Blair gasped for breath as she slumped down on her wooden chair. She dropped her handbag by her feet and immediately went for her menu.

" I would ask what you and my brother were doing but he's Chuck Bass and your Blair Waldorf so I don't really want to know." Serena cringed, her fear of _that _conversation becoming more and more evident as the time passed.

" we weren't doing anything, we just got caught up. We've made a vow not to sleep together until the time is right." Blair blushed. It was a very intimate thing she was sharing and she couldn't help but feel nervous when she talked about it.

" are you serious?" Serena snorted in an unladylike fashion.

" what's wrong? You don't think I can do it?" Blair questioned at an unusual fast pace.

" oh no, I have every faith that you could do it. Before Chuck you had waited for like two years and that's a long time for normal people. I just think that the man you are demanding chasity from is the Chuck Bass. He hasn't gone longer than two nights without sex."

" he was the one that made the suggestion." Blair argued quickly. She hated when people doubted her Chuck. He was a good person who didn't know how to show it. His father always told him that feelings broke down a wall that was needed in the business world. Lily was always gentler with him but she had pretended not to be his mother for the majority of his life.

" I'm in complete shock. Who knew that my brother could behave himself so well." Serena giggled.

" he's doing the best that a Bass can," Blair admitted, her round cheeks turning a rosey pink.

" I'm sure he is," Serena smirked and looked back down at her menu. She had already ordered for them but she needed something to do.

" Serena Celia Van Der Woodsen, I, Blair Cornelia Waldorf, am your best friend and personal confidant. You can tell me anything and I won't judge." Blair smiled sweetly and placed her small pale hand over the long tanned one.

" I think I might be pregnant."

" what?!" Blair screamed. It could have been excited or mad but still the entire restaurant stared at the table. Serena smiled and waved, soon enough they left them alone. " how long? Is it Nate's? Do I have to go to a paternity hearing because I don't have the clothes for that." She had a thirty second breather before continuing on her rant. " actually, scratch that. I have this little black pencil skirt that could work with this white shirt thing. I have so many ideas, who knew a paternity hearing could be such a fashion show?"

" B. You need to calm down. If I am pregnant, which I don't know for sure, then the baby's Nate's." Serena calmed her down slowly. Blair always had a thing for the dramatics and this time was no different.

" are you sure?" Blair asked with a weak smile. It was somewhere between endearment and excitement, either feeling would make Serena feel better.

" I haven't been with anyone else, it's only been Nate's. I would be three or four weeks along then but I just don't know. With the stress of Chuck coming back home and Milo's first birthday then maybe that's why my periods late." Serena rambled. Blair was still holding that smirk.

" I can't believe it," Blair shook her head and looked down.

" I knew I should have been on birth control or been more persistent about using a condom. I didn't do either so here comes baby Archibald number three." Serena sighed, she looked down at her coffee and just pushed it away. Here was another nine months without coffee, just when she got it back.

" It's going to be hard, three babies are hard to deal with but imagine the bond they are going to form. Being born so close together will be better than five years apart. It's going to be amazing. Maybe this is what you wanted all along and you never realized it. If you truly didn't want a baby then you would have used precautions but you didn't and now comes a baby. Protection is one of the first things we learn in health class, you know how to do it." Blair raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow at the blonde until she caved.

" okay. I didn't prevent the pregnancy but I wasn't excactly planning it. I just thought that if we were destined to have another baby then it will come at the right time. We talked before we broke up about not using anything because it would be an amazing gift to have another child." Serena confessed with the brightest of eyes. They were smiling eyes.

" we have to get you a test. We may be talking about an imaginary baby or there could be another baby in the oven. The pharmacy is only down the road, we can walk so the paparazzi won't get us." Blair suggested, she directed her eyes to out the window where about fifty paparazzi waited for them to move.

" thank you, for everything." Serena beamed. She put her hand to her stomach and held it in a very familiar way. She had only been pregnant a year ago and now another baby might be coming. For some reason it felt like a miracle rather than a curse.

" I have only done what a sister would do. You are my best friend, my sister-in-law and my babies aunt but before any of that, you are my sister. Not in law but my very own sister that I love very much." Blair squeezed her hand and lifted her bag off the spotless floor.

" don't say stuff like that, I might be pregnant. Oh god, I might be pregnant." Serena gasped, the realisation of everything coming to her in one sharp sweep.

" and this baby will be as loved as the twins. Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted or unloved, life just knew that another baby would complete your little family. Imagine a little blonde baby boy with those blue eyes the twins have." Blair noted with the most sincere look in her big brown eyes.

" god, he would be cute. We could call him Nathaniel or Fitzwilliam. We would have three girls and three boys all together." Serena sighed contently at the vision that Blair implanted in her mind. A baby boy with curly blonde locks that shaped his oval face, a set of ocean blue eyes piercing through the almost white hair.

" let's go get this test,"

XOXOXOXOXOXO

" Chuck let me in, I can hear you breathing." Nate banged on the door once again but was met by silence. After Serena had left for brunch, he had dressed the girls in little blue soccer outfits completed with blue and gold cleats. He was now waiting outside his best friends door, obviously Chuck was purposely ignoring him and well Nate couldn't blame him. But no matter how long it took for his forgiveness, Nate was going to he there. " Chuck Bass!"

There was some rustling and bumping around then the door opened wide, revealing a very weird situation. Chuck Bass was still in a rumpled suit with one baby in his arms, another grasping at his trousers legs and the other playing with her blocks. The babies were dressed impeccably, the boys in matching light blue dunagaress and white shirts. Bailey was in a light blue short dress that showed off the puffy light blue bloomers that matched underneath it, her dark hair was held in a single blue band.

" don't you think they are a bit dressed up for the pool." Nate pointed at Milo who was now chewing at what used to be a perfect bow tie. Henry was cuddling into his father's chest while grabbing at the buttons of his ever-annoying shirt.

" Blair picked them, not me. Her sense of style is more, everyday is a gala more than they are twelve months old. I was going to change them but I haven't got time." Chuck stumbled over a few toys on the floor as he welcomed Nate in. Nate pushed in the stroller to the large living room area, he began unbuckling the blonde twins so they could play with the Basses. " the kids can play here for half an hour then we have to go to the pool at the baby sessions which lasts an hour. After that we can have a quick half hour lunch and the babies will be fed."

" you are sounding way too much like Blair, it's kind of creepy to be honest, man." Nate chuckled as he lifted Lia out of the stroller, placing her next to a laughing Bailey.

" I have learnt many things in the past two weeks of being home but the one things that feels like it's been hammered into my head is schedules. I was told over and over last night that we have to follow the schedule." Chuck rolled his eyes at the blonde, Nate couldn't help but laugh at him. Chuck even let out a small chuckle of his own.

" is that your and Blair's new type of pillow talk? Because it doesn't sound that appealing. If Serena started with that shit then I might have clawed my eyes out." Nate joked with that same look on his face that he used to have when they hung out. Chuck always thought it was his high face but now he could see it was when he was truly amused or just in his happy place.

" one, don't talk about having sex with my sister. It's just weird and I don't want to talk about it. Two, me and Blair made a promise to eachother not to have sex." As Chuck spoke, Nate picked up a glass of water and when he said those words, well the water wasn't in his mouth anymore but now all over the ten thousand dollar couch. " it's not that funny, Nathaniel. You act so immature sometimes."

" immaturity and being childish is my image, it's what makes me Nate Archibald. You having constant sex is what makes you Chuck Bass." Nate was speaking so fast that he was stumbling over his words, the cheeky smile always intact.

" my image has to change. I have three children and they are my everything. Sleeping around can't be the one thing that defines me from the rest. I want to be known in this world for being a good business man who works hard for his family but most of all, I want my kids to be my main priority." Chuck boomed, leaving Nate with a still very amused expression.

" l never imagined the day Chuck Bass took a chastity vow with the mother of his children. It sounds weird even saying it. _Chuck Bass withholding from sex._" Nate snorted, water still dribbling from his chin.

" wipe that from your mouth, it's disgusting." Chuck growled at his best friend, passing him a wipe from the diaper bag next to the coffee table. " stop it," Chuck growled again but Nate was in the middle of a laughing fit.

" I... I'm... try... trying... but I ... can't." Nate managed out through the laughter. Chuck tried to act like he was disgusted by his behaviour but joined in with the laughter. " see, you find it funny too. I'm not immature."

" you are so immature that a two year old could outsmart you. Your daughters behave better than you." Chuck scowled, pointing down to the matching blonde babies. He took one look at the soccer kit and decided that his children would never _ever_ dress like that.

" don't be mean, Lia is so smart that she said shoe yesterday. Beat that." Nate bragged, raising his eyebrows so high that they were almost in his hair line. He had always done this face when they were competing in video games or basketball so Chuck knew he was looking for some banter.

" give her an award for it, Bailey started walking two days ago without holding onto anything. This was no cruising matter, it was actual walking." Chuck shot back with his signature smirk.

" Nia brushed her hair. I admit it wasn't perfect but it was more than what her paediatrician excepted. If she is beating a woman with a PHD expections then my baby girl is doing well." Nate laughed, finding it extremely hilarious that they were arguing about the most stupid of things.

" this is getting stupid right?" Chuck scrunched his nose and turned to his best friend. Best friend. They were getting somewhere and soon it wouldn't be so weird saying it.

" we should stop," Nate added with a grin.

" we definitely should. " Chuck agreed with a quick nod of his head. " we should get get going before the schedule goes off course and Blair kills me. And you."

" let's go,"

XOXOXOXOXOXO

" how long has it been?" Serena questioned for the hundredth time, making Blair getting more annoyed than she already was which was a lot.

" one minute and thirty seconds. You have another three and half minutes until it's time so sit down and shut up." Blair demanded. It was as stressful for her as it was for Serena. If there was a plus, a little tiny plus then everyone lives changed again. Serena and Nate would have to work out their remaining problems and finally get back together fully. Chuck might actually punch Nate for knocking up his sister for the second time. Blair would just twist at his ear, she used it on Chuck when he annoyed her and the screams she got out of it made her feel satisfied that her point was across.

" it's all going to change." Serena whispered as she slumped down on Blair and Chuck's bed. They had gone to Blair's apartment because there wasn't a great chance they would bump into one of the men and neither would take the news lightly.

" is that a bad thing? With the twins everything changed but look how happy you are. You have Nate, you have me, Chuck and the triplets." Blair reminded her with a sweet smile. She never really smiled like that unless it was towards Serena, it was just a best friend thing.

" me and Nate, we are... we are rocky to say the least. We have barely got back together and it's like walking on eggshells like it always is with a new relationship. Adding another baby or two to the mix, it's just going to mess up everything that could be so perfect." Serena stressed but Blair didn't seem to get it. The look on her face said more than words ever could. " what? Does it make me a bad person?"

" you and Nate may have made another baby out of love so that baby deserves nothing but love. If you didn't want to be with Nate or have a family with him then you would have give up on that travesty a long time ago." Blair declared, uncaring of how blunt she was being with her fragile best friend. With Serena it was better to say it as it is and get your point across without beating around the bush. " look S, I loved planning. My whole life was planned and everything was slowly fitting into place but then I got pregnant. It was scary and I was terrified because I didn't plan it. From that uncertainty, I got a family that I'd never thought I'd have. This hypothetical baby could be the thing that brings you and Nate together."

" or break us apart, change never did us good." Serena mumbled, raising her head to show off those teary baby blues. It was scary how much Serena could look like her children without all the make up and forced or real smiles.

"_ Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." _Blair quoted in the softest of voices she could manage. " change is going to happen no matter how much we try to fight it. We either embrace it or we stay in the past but the past is not as brilliant as we remember it. If I said to you that you could go back and model with no children or care in the world, would you do it?"

" of course not, I love my babies." Serena snapped.

" and I never doubted it. We all move on and grow because that's the way the world works. Our children with grow up and move on with their own lives. That will be a great change but it's the way life works, everything changes. But the future is ours and we can do whatever we want with it. This baby is your future, embrace it." Blair smirked, grabbing onto her friend's hand to show her support. " life is going to try and bring the Basses down but we will never be destroyed."

" it's cute how you think you are a Bass," Serena said. It sounded wrong because of her sad tone, it hit Blair in a sensitive spot.

" it's cute how you think you are a Bass, just because you were born with their blood doesn't mean you are anything more than a leech bleeding them dry!" Blair yelled, clearly upset to the point of no return.

" I do everything a good sister would do, I would never hurt Chuck or use him for my own benefit but you? That's a different story." Serena yelled back. Her state wasn't the best to begin with, she was emotional over the maybe pregnancy and everything that came with it but Blair was adding this stress with it. It was a recipe for disaster and the women were stirring the mixture.

" you can't say anything. You say that you want Nate to step up as a father but everytime he tries, you take the girls away from him. You use him for when you need a good go-around or a babysitter so you can have brunch." Blair sassed like the Queen B she was and would always be. Some things change but never that, it was a gift to be that much of a bitch without it annoying the friends around you.

" I wouldn't be so afraid of letting my children with him if I knew he was a faithful man but he slept with you. That must have been a time of real desperation for him." Blair gasped at her best friends words, they hit a place in her heart she didn't know she had. It stung like a bitch.

" get out!" Blair yelled at the top of her tiny lungs, her whole body shook with untamed fury.

" no, I will not get out!" Serena screeched back, her voice unsurprisingly didn't break the window but maybe broke Blair's eardrums.

" fine I'll leave them." Blair grabbed her bag from the bed, giving one last angry look at Serena. " oh and Serena, congrats your pregnant." With that Blair left, leaving a shocked Serena in her bedroom.


	9. I Need You

Blair was playing games on the floor of the babies nursery with Bailey and her dolls, Milo was happily humming along while he scribbled on his little drawing pad. Chuck was staring at her intensely with a babbling Henry on his lap, they were reading a book on the white rocking chair. The air had been tense since Blair came home yesterday afternoon in a foul mood that Chuck later found out was because of a big argument with Serena. He didn't know what it was about, he just knew that it hadn't been good because Blair came home acting like she had been mugged.

" Bass, stop staring at me." Blair chastised through her white teeth, showing Bailey a pink barbie dress that the baby girl immediately grabbed with sticky baby fingers. "it's getting quite creepy, almost stalkerish."

" Waldorf..." Chuck started but he was quickly cut off by an extremely agitated Blair.

" do not call me that." Blair snapped, her voice sweet but he could feel the ice underneath it. They had agreed that all disagreements were hashed out when the babies were sleeping so they weren't around fighting all the time. It seemed like a good idea until all their problems starting arising and the babies never slept for long and when they were, Chuck and Blair slept.

" Blair baby, please just tell me what's wrong. I can make it better." Chuck pleaded, his eyes glistening from the sunlight. Henry giggled at something then went back to his baby babbling.

" you can't make everything that's wrong with me better Chuck. Some things are just meant to be this horrid." Blair looked at him briefly before returning to her daughter. Chuck sighed, leaning back further into the rocking chair.

" don't tell me then. Hold it in and then when it gets too much, it will all come out on me." Chuck fumed, his anger finally getting the better of him.

" I won't burden you with my problems anymore." They both groaned before giving their full attention to the babies.

" it's not that you tell me them that annoys me, it's the way you tell me. Waldorf, I want to help but you push me away like you do with everyone." Chuck added after a short tense silence. Blair couldn't help but sigh when his voice sounded through the quiet.

" I'm trying to play with my children Chuck. I'm not arguing now, we can hash this out later." Blair stared at him for a long moment then helped Milo with his scribbling.

" Blair please, don't shut me out." Chuck tried again but was only met with more silence.

" Bear," a little voice popped up, it came from Bailey.

" oh my god. Yes Bailey, that's mommy's name." Blair squealed, leaving wet kisses over her daughter's face. Bailey found it hilarious, her baby smile showing her two tiny teeth. " Chuck, she said my name. She said my name!" Blair was bouncing Bailey on her lap, leaving pink lipstick marks on her cheeks.

" I know B. I wouldn't want her to try Chuck," he added with a slight chuckle at the end. He was withholding a laugh that Blair couldn't quite see where it came from.

" why? You want her to say your name." Blair said as if he was the stupidest man on the entire planet.

" It could end up as fuck, " Chuck said blandly, a cough to hide his laughter.

" Charles Bartholomew Bass, language around the babies." Blair chastised, covering her daughter's ears with her hands lightly. Bailey looked up at her with inquisitive brown eyes, the same that her mother sported.

" only for you baby,"

* * *

" Chuck man, I seriously need your help." Nate whispered into the phone. He was standing outside his suite in the Empire. He had moved out of the Empire penthouse when the whole sex with my best friends girl thing happened. Serena stayed in the Empire and Blair stayed in the girl's apartment that they owned before the whole having twins with strangers thing happened.

_What's wrong? Blair's been in a mood and I'm trying to get her to speak to me. _

" Serena hasn't spoken to me since yesterday." Nate started in a worried tone. "She came home from lunch with Blair yesterday and locked herself in my bedroom. She hasn't moved or eaten anything. It's really worrying me."

_ Blair's a been the same. I literally had to force breakfast down her throat. _

" do you think her condition is back?" Nate asked, his voice laced in concern.

_No... well I don't think so. After she ate breakfast I watched her for a while and she doesn't look sick. She hasn't even gone to the bathroom yet. _

" just to be safe don't take her shopping and give a decent sized meal. If Blair asks for more then you know something is wrong. That girl is tiny, if she wants more than you give her then she's asking for it for the wrong reasons." Nate ordered in a voice Chuck had never heard before. He was truly concerned, he had been there the last time the bulimia came around and the time before that.

_How do you know so much? You are Nate Archibald, why would you know? _

" I was her boyfriend for a few relapses. After the last time when I was her boyfriend, I knew I had to know more. Blair was lying on the floor, there was um...blood ... lots of blood. I can't imagine anyone else seeing that. I can't imagine her going through that again so watch out for my B. She's going to need you." Nate demanded. He sniffed but Chuck could barely hear it over the dodgy reception.

_I'll come over to see my sister. You come see Blair. _

" but why? You told me and Blair that we couldn't be in the same room alone for a while. We agreed." Nate stumbled over his words, shocked at his best friend. Chuck had thought it reasonable that the former lovers couldn't be in a room alone together until he felt like there was nothing left between them. There was nothing between them but a great friendship. Chuck could hear that from his words and the concern in them.

_Blair needs you and Serena needs me. Get your ass over here Nathaniel. Quickly. If I hear another rant about why I shouldn't swear in front of the children then I may kill myself. If Blair needs your help with one of the babies then you will help her. I may take Bailey over to see her cousins, she's been missing her girl time. _

" the great Chuck Bass just said girl time." Nate laughed through the phone, his million dollar smile on his perfect lips but Chuck couldn't see it. " and don't swear infront of the kids, they will say it back. Oh, and if they do, don't make give any attention to them. They will just say it more,"

_Nathaniel..._

" yes, Charles."

_Shut the fuck up and grow a pair. Be a man, do something insane. Just for a moment, stop talking about the kids. _

" Chuck, I'm going now. You have truly offended me. Good day." Nate chuckled as he hung up. Leaving him to a sobbing Serena, two naughty babies and an emotional Blair to cheer up. Nice.

* * *

" knock, knock." Chuck announced his presence with a babbling Bailey in hands as he opened the suite door. Serena was on the sofa with a sleeping baby in her arms and the other laying on her stomach. " I thought Bailey could have some girl time, having brothers is hard."

" I would know, I have two." Serena rolled her eyes, standing up and putting the sleeping baby in her light pink bouncing chair. She went back for Nia and placed her in her matching dark pink bouncer.

" you know you love me," Chuck drawled, leaning against the wooden door frame with a huge smirk.

" I love you but that doesn't mean you don't annoy the hell out of me." Serena whined, slumping bag down on the sofa but not before she stole Bailey from him. "Chuck, what are you really doing here?"

" can't a brother just come and see his sister without having an ulterior motive?" Chuck chuckled, sitting down next to his sister, his middle finger grasped by Bailey.

" oh yes they can but not when they are Chuck Bass. I know you, something is up." Serena stared him straight in the eye, scaring him like never before.

" Nate's been worried and that makes me worried." Chuck explained, trying to break the stare but was failing tremendously.

" Nate shouldn't be worried. I'm fine." Serena said bluntly, finally breaking that creepy gaze. She stared at her sleeping babies, smiling weakly when Celia let out a sweet baby yawn.

" I know you like the back of my hand, something is wrong so stop all this useless stalling and tell your big brother." Chuck ordered, taking Bailey back so Serena had nothing else to focus on.

" you can't yell at me though," Serena warned him. She knew his reaction wouldn't be good when she told him she was pregnant once again by a man she wasn't in a relationship with once again. Chuck nodded. " I'm pregnant. Again."

Chuck didn't say anything, he just sat in silence with a dumbstruck look on his face. Serena began to cry, she hated not knowing what he was thinking. This was a big part of her life, another baby was on the way but he wasn't saying anything. Her brother had a big impact on her life and his opinion meant everything to her.

" oh right," Chuck finally let out after a few minutes silence. Bailey looked up at her father with her big brown eyes, a questioning look on her face.

" please say something more," Serena begged, her blue eyes pleading with him.

" it's just... it's a lot." Chuck eyes were wide open, looking at anything but Serena. She looked like a broken angel, beautiful, delicate and in a million pieces. Her eyes were oceans, her cheeks red and puffy but still she held that beauty. " how far along are you?"

" around four weeks,"

" and the baby is Nate's?" Chuck asked worried, if it wasn't that held a lot more drama that they don't need.

" of course, we slept together when Blair went after you at the airport. We hadn't talked in months and it just sort of happened and now I'm pregnant." Serena explained and Chuck listened intently, wanting to know everything. "I'm scared Chuck, I'm so scared." She began to cry again, her body convulsing with sobs. Chuck pulled her into his arms and held her. Held her as the water run down her cheeks, as she muttered im sorry over and over. He was there for her, excactly like she needed.

" I'll be here for you, I'll help you." Chuck whispered into her hair, beginning to cry himself. It was hard seeing his sister like that, that was his little sister who needed his help. Technically they were twins but he had always been like the older sibling. Serena was his little sister and she needed him and that was what he was giving her. His time, his energy and his love. All because she was his sister.

* * *

_"Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form." – Jeffrey Kluger_


End file.
